


Our Love is God

by BBCotaku



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: A weird mix of the musical and movie, Alternate Universe - 1980s, Alternate Universe - High School, Eating Disorders, Heathers AU, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Murder, Percy is JD, Period-Typical Homophobia, Self Harm, Seriously have you seen the film? It's fucked up, Suicide, The author is heathers trash, Vex is Veronica, metaphorical demons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-10-08 19:18:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10394256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BBCotaku/pseuds/BBCotaku
Summary: High school is hell for most, but especially Vex'ahlia. Things were supposed to get easier after she joined the most popular cliche in school. However, for Vex maintaining a good reputation has become nothing more than a stale and soul-crushing job.All that changes when the trench coat-wearing, firearm carrying, Percy de Rolo rolls into town. Bringing with him a way of freeing Vex from the hellish antics of her so-called friends. For better or for worse.---A critical role Heathers AU? That would be beautiful.(Knowledge of heathers not really necessary)





	1. Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Staring: 
> 
> Vex'ahlia as Veronica Sawyer 
> 
> Percy de Rolo as Jason "JD" Dean 
> 
> Zahra as Heather Chandler 
> 
> Lillith as Heather McNamara
> 
> Kashaw as Heather Duke
> 
> Grog Strongjaw and Scanlan Shorthalt as Kurt and Ram
> 
> Keyleth as Martha Dunstock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw. Scanlan is, like, SO out of character it's ridiculous.

 

[Song](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zAmmc7VFiZY)

_ September 1st, 1989: _

 

_ Dear diary, I believe I’m a good person. You know, I think that there’s good in everyone, but.. Here we are, first day of senior year, and I look around at these kids that I’ve known all my life and I ask myself, what happened? _

 

"Damn, that's some quality teen angst right there." 

 

Vex'ahlia shot her brother a sour look, slapping her journal closed. "Reading over my shoulder? Really?"

 

Vax quirked his brow, wrapping an arm loosely around Vex'ahlia's neck. "Writing in the middle of the lunch line? Really?" He waved his empty lunch tray, gesturing to the crowds of students filtering to their respective tables. "You're lucky I was the one behind you and you know it. Could you imagine what would have happened if Brian or Tary was here instead? That shit would be all over the school newspaper before you could tell them to fuck off." 

 

"Get off me, asshole," Vex grinned, giving Vax a hard shove. "Did you get me a tray?"

 

"Of course." Vax reached out to press the flimsy plastic board into Vex's hand, only to have it swiftly knocked from his grip by an arm the size of a tree trunk. "Ow! What the hell?" He cried, nursing his fingers where they'd been bruised by the force of the blow. 

 

"Oops 'orry," said Grog Strongjaw with the distinct tone and grin of someone who was anything but sorry--granted he towered a good foot and a half above either of the twins so there was no way in hell that they’d point that out. "Yer in my way, move." He elbowed Vax hard in the ribs, causing him to teeter, clutching to Vex’s sleeve for support.

 

"Fucking ass," Vax grumbled, straightening himself before reaching down to pick up his abandoned tray. "What the hell is wrong with him?" 

 

"Other than a severe lack of brain cells?" Vex asked, scratching at the back of her neck where her cardigan met her skin. "You okay?" 

 

"Yeah, I don't think anything's broken." Vax dabbed gingerly at his ribs, wincing slightly as he prodded a particularly sore spot. "Much. Ah! Fuck!--that dude's build like a fucking wall."

 

"He's a prick."

 

"Agreed." 

 

"You alright?" A third voice entered the conversation, this one belonging to a rather peppy-looking red head. She dressed like someone who hadn't quite gotten over the 60s, complete with a tie-dye shirt, baggy pants and the ever-so-slightly lingering scent of weed. 

 

Vax cleared his throat, gritting his teeth  slightly as he straightened up fully, puffing out his chest like some kind of bird. "Nothing I can't handle, Kiki."

 

"You're overcompensating again, brother.”  Vex rolled her eyes, taking another step in the queue. 

 

"I am not."

 

Keyleth giggled, tucking a curl of her hair behind her ear. "Oh! Pike said she was up for girls night." 

 

Vex beamed, feeling a steady warmth of excitement spread through her chest. Keyleth's jolliness was catchy. "Nice! I'm on snack duty this time right?" 

 

"I think so? I rented The Princess Bride--oh! That reminds me, is your VCR still broken? Cause Dad's got a business dinner on Saturday so unless you want to deal with men in suits talking about the museum renovations--"

 

"Gods, I'm bored already," Vex groaned. "But no, it's still busted." 

 

"I could get another one," Vax offered.

 

"You could steal another one, you mean," Vex stated matter-of-factly. 

 

"Eh, same thing." 

 

"How do you even steal a VCR?" Keyleth wondered aloud. "Surely they'd figure out it was missing pretty quick." 

 

"Not if you're careful," Vax explained. "This family two streets down's still on holiday for another week, if you wanted I could get it there and back and they'd be none the wise--"

 

"'Scuse me, Pothead," a man half Keyleth's size pushed past her, following the path of parted students left by the bulldozer that was Grog Strongjaw. 

 

Vex narrowed her eyes into a stern glare. "And happy feeling's gone. I was wondering where tweedle-dee was." 

 

Scanlan shorthalt froze mid-step, turning on his heels to face the three. "Sorry, what you say, slut?" 

 

Gods above theater kids were supposed to be nice! 

 

"I...said..." Vex grit her teeth, a sudden jolt of confidence flooding through her.  "What gives you and your jumbo over there the right to be a dick to my friends?" She snapped. "You're both high school hasbins waiting to happen. Do you honestly think a nobody from fucking Westerberg can make it as anything more than a pub singer doing gigs in run down dives to earn a living? And he--" she pointed a finger to Grog "--does he seriously think he can survive with his IQ? I'd give him a month on his own, max." She looked to Vax and Keyleth for support but found only two looks of pure terror as Strongjaw stormed over to defend his friend. 

 

Scanlan raised a hand, signaling him to stop before pointing an accusing finger at Vex. "You've got a zit, riiiight there." 

 

Silence and then a great, roaring chuckle as Grog burst into a fit of childish laughter. "Nice one, Scanlan. Punch it."

 

It wasn't even funny, Vex seethed, but let the two idiots have their fist-pump and move on. 

 

Vax waited until they'd gone before clapping his sister on the back. "You have some guts, Sis."

 

"Why does everyone act like Shorthalt such a threat? He's like three-foot." 

 

"True," Vax nodded. "But Grog's been champ fist fighter since, like, third grade and Shorty's got him round his little finger. There is no way in hell anyone's messing with him." 

 

"Agreed," Keyleth added. "If Pike was here we wouldn't have to deal with them all the time. Scanlan would always listen to her" She clutched her tray to her chest melodramatically. "Why'd she have to graduate? I miss her!" She pouted, giving a loud huff. "I miss being friends with them." 

 

"God, you sound like Vex's diary. I'm meant to be the angsty one, not you two." 

 

Vex laughed. "Is your place in our group really that fragile, brother?" 

 

Vax measured a small distance between his thumb and forefinger. "Little bit."

 

\---

 

Lunch ended quickly after that sending Vax, Vex, and Keyleth their separate ways; Vax to gym, Keyleth to Lit and Vex to algebra or at least it should have. 

 

"Come on, Lillith, bulimia is soo 87'." 

 

The words made Vex freeze, peeking round the corner of the hallway to see two figures standing either side of the door to girl's toilet. 

 

"Maybe you should take her to the doctor, Z." Kashaw Vesh mumbled, leaning back against the wall, wincing as whoever was behind the door threw up again. 

 

"Yeah, maybe," the girl frowned, tucking a stray strand of pale-blonde hair behind her ear. 

 

"Oh goddammit," Vex hissed. She'd already dealt with Grog and Scanlan, she did not have the temper for a civil conversation with Zahra Hydris and her crew. If there was anyone worse than Scanlan, fucking, Shorthalt it was the mythic bitch that controlled him. 

 

Slowly she leaned up against the wall, digging through her bag for a pen and paper. Gods knew how long she'd be waiting for the trio to move on and she might as well come up with an excuse. 

 

Picturing the handwriting of Ms. S, the school's nurse, in her head Vex slowly, painstaking began to print a hall pass. 

 

_ Permission for Vex'ahlia Vessar-- _

 

"Well, well, what do we have here?" 

 

Holding her breath Vex looked up to see Ms. Raven, the deputy head, glaring squarely at Zahra and Kash. 

 

"Zahra, Kashaw--" the heavy sound of vomiting filled the halls once again "--and Lillith. You three should be in class." 

 

"Lillith wasn't feeling well," Zahra deadpanned with ease, a slight smile tugging at her lips. "We're helping her." 

 

Ms. Raven quirked her brow, arms crossed. "Not without a hall pass you're not. Week's detention--" 

 

"Actually, Ms. Raven," Vex called out, quickly adding a handful of names to her paper before darting out from her hiding place. "Ms. S sent us all to look after her. Lilith was looking really pale--like paler than usual so..." She shoved the note under the teacher's nose, sending a collective prayer to all the gods at once.  

 

"Hmm." Ms. Raven gave a small tut, casting a glance over the note with a frown. "Well, you're all listed," she sighed, sounding almost disappointed. "Get back to class quickly, no loitering." 

 

"Yes, Ms. Raven," the three chorus as the teacher continued down the hall in search of trouble. 

 

"That was an excellent forgery," Zahra chimed once Raven was out of earshot. "Who are you?" 

 

"Vex'ahlia--uh, I mean." Why the fuck did I do that?  "Vex, I'm Vex. Look, I crave a boon." 

 

Kashaw's near constant frown deepened. "A boon? Oh, that sounds great, no suspicion at all." 

 

"Sh, darling." Zahra raised a finger to his lips. "What kind of boon?" 

 

Vex winced. "Let me sit with you, once. If...Scanlan and Grog are being jerks and maybe if they see me with you, they'll let me and my friends have some peace--I also do absence notes, parents and doctor's notes." She had to admit, it was fun to pretend she had control over the situation. Or at least try and convince Zahra she had control over the situation. 

 

"Vhat about prescreeptions?" The request was thick with the unmistakable accent of Lillith Daturai, her voice muffled slightly by the door. 

 

The question took Vex back somewhat. "I...I could certainly try."  

 

Zahra hummed, taking Vex's chin in her hand. "This could work,” she stated plainly, letting go. Her eyes took in every inch of her and Vex could see the gears of her thought process clicking into place.

 

"It could?" Kash asked, bewildered slightly. 

 

Zahra ignored him. "A bit of blush, a little gloss--hey Cashew you've got a comb, right?" She asked, circling Vex like a shark. "You could use a bit of a touch up, but I can definitely see this working.” She clapped her hands, fixing Vex with a sly smirk. “Lillith,” she snapped. “Hurry up and finish puking. We've got work to do.”

 

“We do?” Asked the door. 

 

“And Kash, darling, be a dear and wait outside a moment.” Grabbing Vex by the wrist Zahra dragged her into the bathroom. “Let's make you beautiful.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is @bbcotaku come bother me till I finish this.


	2. Candy Store

[Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQOoTX1Nxx8)

September 18th, 1989

_Dear Diary,_

_I would have liked someone to warn me how much work goes into being popular. Hanging out with Zahra and co. is kind of like a job and we’re paid to be popular and shit. Also laundry. My job is officially professional laundry-doer._ Because _fuck feminism apparently._

Vex jumped as the washing machine beeped. A shrill, sharp sound that echoed around the room and sent her St. Bernard, Trinket, wild. The damn machine was fucking broken to shit and had a habit of shrieking at random intervals regardless of whether or not it actually on.

“Trinket, buddy, settle.” Vex scratched the hulk-of-a-dog behind the ears, waiting for his tense form to lax as he went back to dozing on the laundry room floor.

“Do you really have to wear that thing every day?” Vax called from down the hall.

“Sadly,” Vex replied, lifting open the lid to receive Lillith’s old collared shirt from where it lay nestled between freshly washed sheets and underwear. Her and Zahra had scraped together quite the outfit from the unwanted clothes they had crammed at the back of their wardrobes. Blue blazer, white shirt, grey skirt, knee-high socks, everything Vex needed to slip neatly into their little clique without bother.

The second-hand outfit wasn't what bothered Vex, when you lived off $256 a week you got used to hand-me-downs. No, what bothered her was the simple fact that they had only spared her a single outfit, as a result, what little relaxation time Vex had had to be converted into making sure she was going to be presentable the next day.

Some nights Vex considered just burning the damn thing. Others she was thankful. Tonight was not the latter kind of night.

“Ya’ know,” Vax said, pushing open the door. “You don't actually have to hang out with them.”

“I know.” Vex combed her fingers through her hair, twisting bunches into a neat braid the way Kash had shown her to. “It's annoying, but you've got to admit it's making life easier.”

“Yeah I know,” Vax replied, crouching down to give Trinket a pet. “But right here right now I want to sleep without that thing keeping me up.”

“You do laundry too.”

“In the morning.”

Vex stuck out her tongue, folding her shirt neatly over the crook of her arm. “Beauty is pain.”

“For you, not me,” Vax quipped. In all honesty, he did look tired, a seven-day workweek would do that to a person. “Buy me ear plugs and we’re even Stubby.”

“Nah-ah,” Vex grinned with a shake of her head. “I said agrees ago, no more favors for you till you talk to Kiki.”

“I talk to her every day, Vex.”

“No. Talk to her.”

Vax’s lips bunched up at the corner of his mouth. “You've been reading those magazines again, haven't you?”

Vex winked, “better than half the stuff you read.”

Vax’s cheeks turned red. “I read them for the articles.”

“Sure you do.”

***

“Hey, Vex’ahlia I need you to deliver something for me.”

Vex eyed Zahra cautiously, her head still turned to face her lunch. “That’s nice and ominous, what do you need?”

Zahra beamed slyly, her head propped up against her palms. “You're still friends with Keyleth, right?”

Vex’s gaze moved to her old lunch table where Vax and Keyleth sat, shoveling shitty pizza into their mouths and talking, quite seriously if their expressions were anything to go by, about something-or-other.

“Well, darling, I've got this note and I thought she’d really love to read it,” Zahra continued, holding out a folded slip of paper.

“I just want to say,” Kash interrupted, gesturing to himself with his thumb. “I wanted no part in this.”

“It was your idea, Cashew,” Zahra retorted as Vex took the paper, unfurling it with the caution of someone handling a bomb.

“Dare I ask?”

Lillith nodded. “Vis a bit of a joke,” she explained. “Kash’s idea.”

“I said it might be funny!” He argued suddenly. “Z’s the one who actually wanted to do it.”

_Hey,_

_I've been thinking a lot about the old days recently, kindergarten, that kind of thing._   
_Meet me at Scanlan’s homecoming party this weekend, I want to talk to you._

_Kash._

“Shit,” Vex stated bluntly, fixing both Kash and Zahra with a harsh glare. “I get you guys aren't the nicest people, but she's had a crush on him since...since fucking forever--”

Kashaw winced. “Yeah, don't remind me.”

“--this is just cruel,” Vex finished, trying her best to sound more disappointed than angry. “Even for you.”

Zahra locked eyes with her, her slight smile not wavering as she spoke. “Why are you pulling on my dick, Vex’ahlia?”

“Excuse me?”

“Can't you take a joke? Look all Kash was gonna do was tell her he’s not interested. If she finds something romantic in the note then that’s her fault, not ours.”

“You know full well she’s going to find something romantic in it! She’s Keyleth, she sees romance in everything.”

“Except your brother it seems,” Kash grunted.

Vex narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I vink,” Lillith answered casually. “He means it's obvious Vax likes her.”

Zahra nodded in agreement. “He’s been practically drooling over her since fifth grade. If anything we’re helping them, stop her pining after lost love.” She laughed. “Kinda poetic when you think about it.”

“This is anything but poetic,” Vex snapped, crumpling the note into a tight ball and chucking it across the table. “Do it yourself.”

Zahra rolled her eyes. “Hey, Grog,” she called, beckoning the other student over with a crook of her finger.

“Wot?”

“Be a dear and give this to Keyleth-- don't read it!” She added quickly as Grog started to smooth out the note, pressing it between his palms.

“Why?” The jock asked cautious, holding the note an arm's length.

“Well if you must know.” Zahra lowered her voice to a whisper. “She's having a bit of a...heavy flow and wanted some advi--”

“Nope!” Grog yelled, turning away. “I'll give ‘er the note. I'll give ‘er the note! Just shut up.”

“Thank you, darling!” Zahra called after him. “What?” She asked as Vex’ahlia continued to glare, an ice-cold and angry grimace that would have out-nerved men twice her size.

“You know, what.”

“Like I said Vex, I'm doing her a favor. Everyone has to go through heartbreak sooner or later.”

“Yeah, but most people don't have three arseholes laughing behind their back while it happens.” She turned her attention to Lillith and Kash. “And you two are just encouraging her.”

“Hey, I have no part in this!” Kash spat.

“Oh, because Zahra can just magically mimic your handwriting, can she?”

“You forge shit all the time!”

Vex sat there, shaking as she slowly got to her feet. “I'm going to class.”

“Ve still have teen minu--”

“I'm going to class,” Vex repeated through gritted teeth.

***

“Vex. Vex!” Keyleth’s voice stopped Vex’ahlia mid-stride.

“Kiki, I--”

“Look!” Vex blanched as Keyleth shoved Kash’s note into her face, a wide, almost child-like grin spread across her lips. “It's from Kashaw, did you know he was going send it? Did you put him up to this?”

“Gods above!” Vex found herself cut off once again as her brother rounded the corner, sneakers squeaking against the tiles. “Don't just run off like that, I thought something was wrong--fuck I thought someone died or something. You just…” He paused to breathe. “...just ran off--oh. Hi, sis.”

“Hi.”

“Vax, look!” Keyleth waved the note in the air. “It's from Kashaw! He--” She cut herself off, clearing her throat. “He sent me a note.”

Vex watched as her brother’s expression fell. It was for no longer than a few seconds at most, but she spotted it.

“He did? Cool, I guess. Could you chill, for like, a minute? I need to stop my fifteen-thousand heart attacks.”

“Ah, sorry!” Keyleth patted his back awkwardly. While her smile was still present it seemed a ghost of what it previously was. Vex watched them both, a sickening feeling growing deep in the pit of her gut.

As much as she hated to admit it a part of her--a very small part of her-- had to admit Zahra’s reasoning wasn’t entirely fabricated. Yes, one-sided pining was unhealthy, but this wasn’t the best way to go about it. Was it?

No. No, it most definitely wasn’t. But fucking hell she couldn't just tell Keyleth that, not when she was this excited. Regardless of how angry Vex felt she had to admit that since Zahra had gotten Scanlan and Grog to fuck off Keyleth had been noticeably and consistently chipper.

“What did it say? The note, I mean,” she asked.

“Something about wanting to meet me at a party this weekend? I mean, I was just gonna stay home, but...I dunno, maybe I should go?” Vex watched with anguish as Keyleth’s cheeks flushed.

Gods dammit She thought with a scowl. Gods fucking damn it.

She breathed in deeply. “Don’t get your hopes up, dear. Kash is a prick through-and-through.”

“Oh, I know,” Keyleth nodded. “But, you know? A girl can hope.”

“Yeah, but maybe turn down that hope...a bit.” A lot Vex added silently.   
“Yeah, I second that,” Vax added, gathering his breath back. “I mean I get that he’s attractive and everything, but he’s an arse.”

“He was nice in kindergarten,” Keyleth argued playfully.

“Yeah, so were Grog and Scanlan.” Vax raised his shoulders in a heavy shrug. “People turn into arses. Vex said so in her diary.”

“I did not,” Vex grumbled. “But in all seriousness, maybe take the note with a pinch of salt?”

“I will, I will,” Keyleth promised, nodding with each word. “We should really finish lunch before someone steals our food or something.”

“Gods, I almost forgot I left my stuff there.” Vax frowned, his nose wrinkling. “If I find out something got stolen there’s gonna be hell to pay.”

Keyleth chuckled, slipping the note into her pocket. “The only person who steals stuff around here is you.”

“Eh,” Vax shrugged again. “Better safe than sorry. You coming Vex, or are you gonna go back to Queen bitch and her disciples?”

“Em.” Vex thought for a moment. “I’ll be there in a bit.”

Clasping her hands behind her back Vex waited for the two to disappear back into the cafeteria before turning on her heel and pressing her face, defiantly, against a locker. Gods. Fucking. Dammit. She thought with every hit against the metal.

“You shouldn’t have bowed down to the swatch-dogs and diet coke heads.” An unfamiliar voice interrupted Vex’s loath-full headbanging. In a small town like Sherwood Ohio new voices were rare and nice sounding ones, well, they were usually thought to be impossible.

“They’re gonna destroy that poor girl,” a boy with white-blonde hair continued, his hands sunk deep into the pockets of his trench coat. He looked off; his hair too grey, his frame too skinny, his skin too pale.

Vex narrowed her eyes, spinning around so she could lean her back against the locker. “Were you eavesdropping on us?” she asked.

A sly smile tugged at the boy’s lips. “You and that girl--Zahra, right?--you were arguing pretty loudly. I’m surprised the redhead didn't hear you.”

Vex clenched her jaw, offering a small hmph in reply.   
“You clearly have a soul, use it.” The boy pushed past her, setting off down the hall.

Forcing her tongue to work Vex called after him. “Hey, arsehole. I didn't catch your name.

“I didn't throw it.”


	3. Fight for Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note to people who've only seen the musical,
> 
> I'm gonna be adding in things from the film as well as the the musical so, expect a few surprises.

[Song](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DmHPhhJWNKI)

\---

 _September_ 19th _1989_

_Dear Diary,_

_Turns out Mr. no-name-kid is called Percival or something poncy like that._  
 _...I feel the need to mention I didn’t stalk him or anything, I was just curious. Besides Tary was the one who told me_ it.. _I mean, I asked him to tell me, but still._  
 _That doesn’t count, right?_  
 _Also, Vax if you’re reading this, because I know you fucking are, if you tell so much as a soul about this I will tell everyone about the time you walked in on Mr. and Mrs. Briarwood at father’s “party”._

_E V E R Y O N E._

\---

“Who does that kid think he is?” Scanlan asked no one in particular, eyeing the somewhat mysterious-looking new student from across the room. “What is he, The Terminator?”  
Grog shrugged, working his way through his third plate of school pizza. “Vex likes ‘em,” he pointed out, his voice muffled by his food. “Been looking at ‘em since lunch started.”

“Has she?”

“Ayep. Kinda like how you used to look at Pike.”

Scanlan snorted. “Pike’s nothing like him. Pike is a light among a sea of darkness.” He gestured to the kid with his hand. “That guy is the darkness” He twisted his lips in a mixture of disgust and intrigue, giving his next action a long moment of thought. “Wanna beat him up?”

Grog paused and if Scanlan hadn’t known better he might have thought his friend to be thinking. “Nah man, we’re seniors now.”

“We are,” Scanlan agreed.

“We shouldn’t be beating people up no more, right. That’s kids stuff.”

“Right.”

Grog went quiet again, a wide and cheeky grin spreading from ear to ear. “Let’s just rough ‘em up a bit.”

Scanlan beamed, hopping to his feet. “There’s the Grog I know.”

The white-blonde boy had squashed himself into a table at the farthest corner of the cafeteria; his back pushed hard against the wall, his arms pulled in close to his sides, his shoulders raised nervously. He kept his head bowed, eyes fixed on the pages of a battered copy of Dante’s Divine Comedy. From a distance, he looked to be a dark smudge on the burst of colour that was the caf.

With a slight kick of his heels, Scanlan leaped up onto the seat adjacent to the new kid's, the chair raising the small man so he was eye to eye with the other boy. “You gonna eat that?” he asked, gesturing to the untouched tray of food left abandoned at the center of the table.

The boy said nothing in reply, but rather licked his fingers and turned the page in an action that most would have taken as a not-so-subtle hint to fuck off.

“Hey.” Grog piped up, slapping his hand against the table. The force of the action creating a loud, stomach-churning bang! Meanwhile, the boy didn't so much as flinch just turned another page.

Grog and Scanlan exchanged looks; Scanlan’s once of confusion, Grog’s one of slowly boiling anger.   
  
“Hey.” The larger of the two jocks tried once again to catch the boy’s attention. “What yer boyfriend say when he heard you was moving to Sherwood, Ohio?” It was a low blow. Even Grog, as stupid as he was, knew this kind of crap was a low blow, but verbal attacks like these tended to hit more times than they missed.

“Yeah,” Scanlan added, not wanting to be left out. “Actually, I’m pretty sure the cafeteria has a no fags allowed rule, right Grog?” The slur felt uncomfortable on his lips, but this wasn’t about how he felt. Right here, right now, getting this fuckwit in a trenchcoat to budge was the main priority.

The student didn't look up but closed his book with a snap. “They seem to have an open door policy for assholes though.”

Success!

Grog clenched his hands into fists, feeling a wide smile work its way across his face. “Hold his arms.”

Without a moment of hesitation, Scanlan jumped from chair to table, his arms outstretched in a sloppy attempt at a tackle. Calmly the new-kid raised his book, slamming it hard across Scanlan’s face, sending the smaller boy sprawling to one side. Quickly, Scanlan made a mad grab for the table-edge only just managing to himself from falling.

Grog took the opportunity to swing a fist at the new boy's face. Swearing under his breath as no-name pushed himself flat against the wall, only just dodging the blow. Giving a low growl Grog felt the harsh fire of rage begin to kindle in his gut, a steady buzz of energy reverberating through every inch of his body.

“Stay still you little shit!” Grog snapped, his voice barely audible over the rush of blood pulsing in his ears. Pushing forward with all his weight Grog lunged at the kid, his arms outstretched in hopes of grappling this shitbag.

The kid laughed. A short but loud chuckle that ripped through the room like a crack of thunder as he dived out the way. His thin frame only just giving him enough time to wriggle out of Grog’s reach. “You’ll have to be quicker than that big guy--oh shit!”

Grog’s hand reached out, grabbing the other boy’s jacket by the scruff of its lapel. In an instant White-hair’s expression went cold, eyes narrowed lowly as his attacker lifted him off his feet.

Grog stalled, the faint rumbling of students finally raising over the storm of blood hammering in his ears. Some called for him to finish the job, to give one last blow and be done. Others were shouting the names of various teachers, trying to somehow break up the fight without having to put themselves in the line of fire.

A single voice stood out among the others, louder and shriller than anything else Grog had heard in the near-lifelong career of picking fights. Unlike the others, the cheers and pleas this voice wasn't yelling, no it was screaming.

Quickly Grog glanced out the corner of his eye to see Vex’ahlia Vessar on her feet, her hands cupped around her mouth. That was it. Vex’ahlia Vessar was screaming at him. But why, what was she saying? He pricked his ears, trying to make out the words.

“Watch out!”

Watch out? Watch out for what? This kid was a toothpick compared to him. He could beat him with one hand tied behind his back for fuck’s sake--

Grog’s train of thought was cut off by the touch of something cold against his chin. Feeling his heart thud nervously in his chest Grog pulled his gaze back to the boy, his stomach dropping like a stone as he was met with the dark barrel of a gun mere millimeters from his face.

Eyes widening Grog tried in vain to will his body into moving, for his hands to let go, for his feet to step back. Everyone was screaming now, he could hear Scanlan yelling something at his side, the words lost as new-kid, without so much as a smile, pulled the trigger.

 


	4. Freeze your Brain

 

[Song](https://youtu.be/GAOxJv96VE8)

_September_ 19th _1989_

_Dear Diary,_

_SO._ We’re _just going to pretend that didn't happen?_

\---

“He’ll be suspended, nothing more,” Kash stated, matter-of-factly, leaning heavily against his croquet mallet.

“Ve shot Grog!” Lilith argued, gesturing wildly with her with her arms as though it would give her point more meaning. “In the face!”

Kash rolled his eyes. “He used blanks, it's not like he tried to hurt anyone.”

As the two bickered Zahra lined up her shot, her ball stopping only just short of the hoop. “I heard the gun he used was the real deal too,” Zahra added, fiddling with the moonstone pendant that hung loosely around her neck. “A pepperbox or something like that.” She paused, wrapping the chain of her necklace tightly around her finger. “You’ve got to admit though, Lili, kid’s got balls.

“Ve took a gun to school!” Lilith exclaimed, her brow furrowed tightly. “And shot someone! Vy am I vee only von bothered by this?” She looked from Zahra to Kash, her arms spread in a shrug. Vex--” she said once it became clear that the duo didn't share her opinion.

“Hm?” Vex snapped to attention with a start, more focused on her own private inner-monologue that her so-called friend’s conversation.

“That boy needs to ve expelled, yes?”

Zahra snorted, a sharp grin tugging at one side of her mouth. “Are you kidding me? Lillith, she was practically throwing herself at him.” Her smile widened, eyebrows quirked in Vex’ahlia’s direction. “You got a thing for guns, darling?”

Vex laughed, though it had little humour behind it. “You wish,” she said, making her way between Zahra and Kash, sparing the makeshift croquet court a passing glance. She was losing. Again.

Zahra hummed, nodding to Lilith, a signal for her to take her turn. “Really though, the jacket, the hair, the gun. I mean, how stereotypical can you get?”

Kash chuckled at this, shifting his mallet from hand to hand. “He looks like the kind of guy who writes poetry or some shit like that. Hey, wasn't that what tweedle-dum and tweedle-dee were teasing him about?”

“They called him a fag, I think,” Vex mumbled, her attention half on the conversation, half on Lilith’s abysmal attempt at hitting the ball as she tried and missed for the third time in a row. “And last time I checked you were the one who wrote poetry, Kash.”

“He does too!” Zahra laughed, clapping a hand on Kash’s shoulder. “Don't look so down, love. We’re only teasing.”

Kash made an over-dramatic look of anger before allowing a hint of a smile to crack his bad-boy aesthetic. “I know--”

Thwack! Lillith hit the ball and hit it hard, sending a yellow blur bouncing across the garden, nearly hitting an approaching Vax in the process.

“Hells!” He yelled, leaping out the line of fire, almost dropping the tray he was carrying. “Fuck! That's what I get for being nice.”

“Ah, sorry!” Lillith winced, holding her mallet at arm’s length. “I didn't vink I'd hit eet.”

“Yeah, it’s alright.” Vax raised a hand and placed it between himself and the albino. “Just, maybe put the mallet down before you come eat.”

More than happy to finish the game early, Vex threw down her mallet. “Thank you, brother,” he beamed. “What you make?”

Vax smiled smugly, shoving the tray under his sister’s nose. “Pâté.”

“How fancy.”

Zahra raised an eyebrow as Vex stuffed one of the small paste-topped crackers into her mouth. “That’s liverwurst,” she stated blankly, not even bothering to try a taste.

“Yeah, I know,” Vax said, trying his damnedest to sound civil as he offered her the tray. “It’s an in-joke. You really had to be there.”

“I’m sure I did,” Zahra chirped, shooting Lillith a harsh glare as she reached out to take one of the nibbles before quickly retracting her hand. “Hey, Vex. As much as I love to sit with your brother we really should start getting ready.” She looked down at her swatch, tapping it with her finger. “We’re running late.”

“Oh, shit. Right.” Vex grabbed a handful of crackers, raising her shoulders in an apologetic shrug. “We’re going to Grog’s house for a party tonight.”

“I thought that had been canceled due to, you know.” Vax made a finger-gun with his free hand, taking a mock-shot at Zahra.

“You’d think so, brother mine, but apparently not.” She was half tempted to invite him to come along but found herself already imagining the lecture it would earn her in her head. Better to play it safe. “Be back later.”

“Yeah yeah. Just don’t make a bunch of noise coming in, I’ve got work tomorrow.” Vax’s eyebrows widened as Zahra turned her back. He waited until he was sure that the diva couldn't see him before offering Lillith a handful of poor-people-Pâté, raising a sneaky middle-finger to Zahra’s back.

\---

“Don’t forget the corn nuts!” Zahra called after Vex as she headed exited the car, straightening her skirts before heading off in the direction of one of Sherwood’s countless 7/11s. The sky had already darkened and Vex rushed to seek refuge from the crisp September breeze.

“Original or B.Q?” She yelled back to the car, Zahra’s Coupé to be specific.

“Vee-Q,” Lillith replied from the back window, giving Vex a wave. She sat alone as Kash had abandoned his friends under the pretense of meeting up later.

Vex nodded, giving the two cousins a thumbs-up before eagerly yanking open the 7/11’s door, relaxing as she felt the dry warmth of the store’s heater wash over her. The tingling scent of preheated air causing her nose to crinkle. Rubbing her hands against her arms Vex glanced around the small shop, quickly spying the display lined with packet after packet of the instantly recognizable red chip bags.

“You want a slushie with that?” Someone asked as she bent down to pick up one of the lone bags of B.Q left on the bottom shelf.

The words made Vex whirl around to find herself face-to-face with the pale smile of Percival, a drink midway to his lips.

“No, but I’ll have a Big Gulp if your offering.”

Percival visibly winced, shaking his head. “That,” he laughed dryly, scratching the back of his head. “That’s like going to MacDonalds and ordering a salad.” He gestured a thumb in the direction of the slushie machine. “Cherry or Lime?”

“I said Big Gulp, darling.”

Percival raised his hands in defeat, the sleeves of his coat falling up to his elbows. He looked almost childish, like a kid who’d raided his dad’s wardrobe playing dress up. “Fine, fine. Coming right up.”

Vex followed him as he made his way over to the drinks machine, placing down his own cup before getting to work on hers.

“You work here or something?” she asked, fishing a twistler from the pick ‘n mix.

“Not officially,” Percival admitted, waiting for the, frankly, gigantic cup to fill. “I move around a lot and you can always count on every town having at least four or five of these places.” He fiddled with the lid, snapping it neatly into place. “Picked up a few tips and tricks over the years. What drinks to mix, that kinda stuff.” He tapped his temple with his finger, not looking up from what he was doing. “I’m pretty sure all the brainfreezes keep me sane.”

“Says the guy who shot two people in the middle of lunch?”

“I never said they did it well.” He turned, offering Vex the cup before giving a small, almost theatrical, bow. “I’m Percy, by the way, Percy de Rolo. I don’t think I ever introduced myself.”

“You didn't, neither did I.” Vex took the cup, stuffed the last of the twistler into her mouth and bobbed into a curtsy. “Vex’ahlia Vessar.” As her name left her lips the boy’s demeanor seemed to change. His brow creased into a collection of thoughtful lines as he straightened up.

“Vessar,” he echoed. “Like the business executive?”

Vex cringed, her once soppy smile fading to a glower. “Yeah. Exactly like the business executive.”

Percy gave her a sympathetic look, his lips puckering at one side of his mouth. “My dad’s the same. Men in suits are arseholes aren't they?”

“Your dad’s a business exect?--Oh.” Vex cut herself off with a snap of her fingers. “De Rolo Destruction Limited, right? I’ve seen the commercials. They’re the ones where that fat guy blows up the screen with TNT.”

“Yeah, that’s dad.” Percy rolled his eyes, taking a long sip of slushie. “Or, that’s an actor pretending to be a nicer version of my dad.” He lowered his voice into a mocking impersonation of his father’s caricature. “If it’s in your way I’ll make your day,” he quoted, his nose crinkled as though the words themselves tasted foul.

Vex giggled, a moment of joy that was swiftly culled by the ear-splitting shriek of Zahra’s horn.

“VEX’AHLIA!” She yelled, her voice perfectly audible even behind a pane of glass. “HURRY UP!”

Giving a long groan Vex lowered her voice to a whisper. “Can I let you in on a secret?”

“I feel the need to remind you I’m a stranger, but alright,” Percy whispered back, grinning.

“I don’t really like my friends.”

Another blaring chorus of horn beeps assaulted the air.

“I don’t really like them either,” Percy deadpanned. He shot the car a harsh glare through the display window, his eyes almost quizzical behind his glasses. “Why’d you hang out with those lot anyway? They sound like pricks.”

Vex shrugged. “Because they’re popular? Also, they really aren’t that bad if you get to know them. Zahra can just be a little...in your face.”

“Only a little?” Percy scowled, watching as Zahra thumped her hand against the steering wheel, her movements illuminated by streetlamps so bright they turned her skin orange. “You going out with her?”

Vex ummed, considering for a moment. “Do you mean romantically or…?”

He shrugged, swirling what was left of his drink around the edge of the cup. “Either. I’m not really one to judge.”

Another laugh. “No. I’m pretty sure she and Kashaw have a thing going on, it's like they’re dating but they’re also just friends.” She waved a hand as though to bat away any mention of her friend’s relationship status. “We’re supposed to be going to a party at the guy-you-shot’s house.”

A part of Vex thought Percy seemed genuinely concerned at that prospect, his eyes widening. “They’re still partying after that?”

“Grog makes his allowance by fist-fighting his dad, he can handle a blank-to-the-face.”

‘VEX’AHLIA!”

Vex rolled her eyes so hard it hurt. “I’m coming!”

“You know, I was thinking of seeing what’s on at the theater. Sea of Love’s meant to be good.” Percy crumpled his empty cup in his hands, chucking it cleanly into one of the bins. “Want to come? I get the feeling you’d have more fun than if you hung out with her.”

“Ya’ know what, darling,” Vex sighed. “I am tempted. But maybe next time.”

“Next time, then.” Percy held out his hand for Vex to shake. “See you on Monday?”

Vex found herself hesitating as she took his hand. Though she wasn’t entirely sure why. “See you on Monday.”

 


	5. Big Fun!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Apparently cider isn't alcoholic in America? The more you know.
> 
> Also this fic is soooo not passing the bechdel test, like damn.

[[Song]](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2Q1p89oUQUM)

_September 19th, 1989_

_Dear Diary,_

_I want to kill Zahra Hydris and you have to believe it’s for more than just selfish reasons..._

\---

Vex, as much as she hated to admit it, hadn't been to that many parties. She’d been to some--she wasn't that much of a loser--but when you work six days a week having a social life tends to come second place. After four to eight hours of work plus another eight of high school all Vex normally wanted to do was curl up with Trinket and sleep.

But that wasn't an option when hanging out with Zahra, Lillith and Kash. Dog-time became party time, and Vex wasn't sure how she felt about that.

Oh well. At least she had booze. Booze was good.

Vex sat on a couch in the corner of Scanlan Shorthalt’s lounge, watching Tary and his older brother try to pick up chicks and failing miserably. Mostly due to the fact that his brother--what was his name again? Dylan or Daniel or something like that--was obviously uncomfortable with the whole situation. Vex knew very little sign language but from what she could tell most of the boy’s sentences consisted of: you’re being stupid, stop, presumably directed towards his younger brother.

“Hey.” The way Keyleth’s voice interrupted her thoughts made Vex jump. From the looks of things, she had made a real effort to look nice. She still wore her usual hippy gear, but had gone to town with hair curling and makeup.

“Hi.” Vex budged over to make room for her. “I was beginning to think you weren’t coming.”

Keyleth “ummed” her head cocking to the side. “So was I to be honest,” she raised a bottle in one hand, “but here I am! Dad, like, never unlocks the liquor cabinet so I brought cider. I remember Kash liked it when we used to hang out and since he’s the one that invited me--”

“Oh.” Vex crinkled her nose. “I’d forgot about that. You know you--”

“Shouldn’t trust him? I know, I know.” Keyleth shook her head, waving her free hand haphazardly. “I’m not stupid,” she paused, swallowing hard. “He’s not actually here anyway.”

Vex sat up. “He’s not? He said he was going to meet us here.”

“We’ll it looks like he chickened out.”

“Fucking hells.” Vex groaned, shooting a disapproving glower round the room, not aiming it at anyone in particular.

“Right?!” Keyleth leaned her head back against the couch cushions. “But that is not what I’m gonna focus on. I am going to have fun and dance--” she raised her bottle above her head “--and drink some gods-damn cider!”

“Here here!” Vex laughed, feeling as though a small portion of the weight on her shoulders had lifted. “I might just join you, Kiki.”

“Zahra and Lillith getting you down?” Keyleth asked, giving Vex’s shoulder a sympathetic squeeze.

“No they just kinda ran off.” A thought struck Vex’s mind like a bullet. “Damn, I forgot! I ran into the new kid at 7/11 and I think he asked me out.”

“..eh?” Keyleth’s face seemed to not know what expression it was trying to pull, creating an odd mixture of joy and pure horror. “I mean, he seems...nice?”

“Yeah, my thoughts exactly. I mean, he was really sweet at the shop, but…”

“...But he shot two people in cold blood?” Keyleth chimed, gesturing to Grog across the room, the left side of his face still purple where the not-quite-a-bullet had hit him.

“Yeah…” Vex trailed off, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly. “But he was really nice! Besides Scanlan and Grog have needed a wake-up call for years.”

“True, but still.” Keyleth hesitated, a frown becoming visible on her lips. “Okay we need to stop talking about dating.”

“Is that just because you can't think of anything to say?”

“Nooo...maybe...kinda?” Keyleth snorted, passing her cider bottle from hand to hand. “Gods, I am useless, aren’t I?”

Vex dug Keyleth in the ribs with her elbow. “No you’re not. Come on,” she jumped to her feet, offering the other girl a hand, “let's go party before we start turning into wallflowers.”

“Okay, okay!” Keyleth jumped up, wobbling slightly in a manner that, to the untrained eye, would have made her look very drunk. But that would come later, admittedly not much later, but still.

***

“Who's gunna beat the shit outta the dragons on Sunday?!” Grog roared over the heavy thud of music, his gruff voice echoing round the room like an earthquake.

“Grizzlies!” Screeched the party-goers in reply.

To Vex’ahlia the room was whirling and the constant barrage of noise was not helping. Keyleth had stuck mostly to her cider but Vex had branched out, taking sips from the various kegs pressed into every corner of the room. She’d been fine until she’d dared a cup of the old Marquesian liquor Jarett Howarth had brought along, the oaky liquid had numbed her tongue after just a few sips and stunted her brain in less. The cocktail of shitty beer and sandkeg churned around her stomach like a tilt-a-whirl, threatening to vacate her stomach at the smallest of movements. Still she tried her hardest to join in on the school spirit, moving her mouth rather excitedly but not daring to allow any sound to escape her lips.

Suddenly, Zahra and Lillith appeared beside Grog from out of nowhere, wide and cheeky smiles slapped hard across their faces. Vex’s gut twisted. Something was wrong but she couldn't figure out what.

“Vits time for our greatest tradition,” Lillith called over the roaring sea of drunk teens. “Who vants to take the first swing at the peenyatah.” Her accent made Vex giggle as she raised herself up onto her tippy toes in an attempt to spy the piñata, expecting to set eyes on the red dragon mascot of Westerberg’s rival school. But there was no dragon in sight, red or otherwise. Zahra, Lillith and Grog’s arms were all empty, sending Vex’s gut churning again. Something wasn’t right, not right at all.

“Keyleth, darling,” Zahra waved the red-head down. “Want to give it a go?”

“Oh, um…” Keyleth blinked dumbly. “I’m not really sure--I mean I’ve never had the chance to give piñata a go.”

“Well, now vis your chance!” Lillith beamed, pulling a silk ribbon from a pocket hidden in the lining of her dress. “Come vere, I’ll show you.”

Alarm bells sounded in Vex’s ears, blaring a screaming chorus of warning sirens in her the back of her mind, their screeching muffled by the alcohol in her system. _Not good_ , she thought to herself. _Not good, not good, not good._

Lillith tied the band over Keyleth’s eyes before picking up a broomstick handle from the floor and pressing it into her hands.

_Not good, not good, not good._

Vex could hear the people around her start sniggering at a joke she wasn't in on. Out the corner of her eye, Scanlan entered the living room, something large held behind his back. She couldn't see the paper mache mass properly, but even at this distance, she could tell it was not a dragon.

_Not good, not good, not good._

Scanlan held the piñata triumphantly above his head, jumping onto the couch so that everyone could see, despite his short stature. It was, of all things, a sloth and a very poorly made one at that. Its limbs were fat and bloated paper sausages. Its stomach a rectangular shoebox that was only partly covered with paper. Topping off the whole aesthetic was a balding and knotted neo-orange party wig, which gave the shitty sloth an unmistakably Keyleth vibe.

“Fucking hell!” Vex swore, pushing her way through the crowd. She stumbled heavily, bumping into everyone she reached the couch, ripping the sloth from Scanlan’s hands with relative ease. “What is wrong with you people?!” she yelled, her face twisted into a drunken scowl.

“Vex’ahlia.” Zahra’s voice struck the air like a lightning bolt, the sound sending prickles down the back of Vex’s neck, another barrage of alarm bells exploding in her mind. “Put it down, darling.”

“Shut up Zahra,” Vex slurred, throwing the pinata to the ground. Before anyone could react she’d already crushed the thing under her boot, stamping hard until the animal’s form caved in.

Keyleth lifted the blindfold off one of her eyes. “What’s going on?” she asked, scanning the room for any hint of an answer.

“I’ll explain later,” Vex answered, digging the heel of her shoe into the paper mache. “Just, go home, Keyleth. Please.”

The red-haired girl paused skittishly, she opened her mouth as though she was about to say something before shaking her head and bolting out the living room door. Vex attempted to join her, shaking her shoes free of cardboard.

“What the hell?!” Zahra snapped, marching over to her with a look of pure loathing. “It was a joke, Vex.” She grabbed Vex roughly by the shoulder, shaking her. Vex could feel her drink sloshing about her stomach.

“Zahra, don’t--”

“What’s your damage?” Zahra continued, giving Vex another shove. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back as the room whirled and whirled and refused to stop. The taste of sandkeg burned the back of her throat as Vex lurched and promptly painted the front of Zahra’s dress with puke.

Zahra’s screech was loud enough to wake the dead. An ear-splitting yell that made Vex jump back, pearls of laughter bursting from her chest.

Zahra was not amused, in fact, she was furious. “I raised you up from nothing!” she snapped, her cheeks turning bright red with anger. “I gave you clothes and reputation and I get paid in puke!”

Vex rubbed her lips on the back of her hand, still laughing. “Oh, lick it up, Zahra. Lick. It. Up.”   
She had never seen the other girl get this angry in her life, she’d never seen anyone get to this vein-popping, teeth-grinding level of anger in life. And yet she still couldn't stop laughing.

“Get out,” Zahra hissed. “Transfer to Washington for all I care. No one’s going to let you or your brother in on their reindeer games anymore. Get out and fuck off.”

The words slapped Vex sober. A heavy feeling of dread settled in the base of her empty stomach at the mention of her brother, but still, she clenched her jaw and kept smiling.

For a brief moment, she wished she was brave enough to have her own blank-loaded gun. She could see it all so clearly, the wide-eyed, open-mouth yell of an imaginary Zahra as she was met with a business end of a pistol. Unlike Percival, however, she internalized her fantasy, kept smiling and shot Zahra a wink before pushing her way out of the room, already regretting everything.

 


	6. Dead Girl Walking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter to those who celebrate it, happy Sunday to everyone else.   
> I've edited the first five chapters of this fic, given it a bit of spit and polish.

[[Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EyDyxGZn_Y)] (NSFW headphones recommended)

_September 19th, 1989_

_Dear Diary,_

_I know that tomorrow I’ll have to kiss Zahra’s ass. I, begrudgingly, accept that fact._

_But tonight please let me dream of a world without her, without social cliques and makeup masks and pretending I'm fine with being a massive bitch._

A world _where I am free._

\---  
When it started to rain Vex had to do everything in her power not to start crying. This proved harder than expected as it felt like the Gods had decided to do everything in their power to make her life hell.

She looked a mess and she knew it; her hair was a tangled nest, blown into unnatural shapes by the wind, her makeup was smudged around her eyes and mouth and the hem of her skirt was lined with thick globs of puke that burned her nose and made her empty stomach heave--and then, just to sweeten the pot, the heel of her right shoe snapped clean in two.

“Gods fucking damn it!” Vex screamed into the night, ripping the shoe off her foot. They were her best shoes, the ones Vax had given her for Christmas, the ones she knew for a fact he had risked arrest to steal for her.

Vex stood in the center of the sidewalk, rainwater dripping down the back of her neck, and tried to imagine her step-mother's face when she realized her prized collection of shoes had been tampered with. She imagined the woman’s face turning plum and swelling with anger like a demented balloon as the realization that her seven-hundred dollar pair of stilettos were being worn by some bastard outcast sank in.

The thought was usually enough to to make Vex smile on even the worst of days. A cheeky moment of payback against the father and wife who would rather their unwanted half-children live in squaller than fork over a medial amount of child support. But right then, alone in the rain, all Vex could picture was the repercussions of her actions.

They wouldn't be violent, no, they'd be cruel. It would start with rumors and teasing, enough so that people would look at her and her brother with disgust rather than pity. It wouldn't be about making the twin feel pain, it would be about making them feel miserable. Vex had seen the way high-society idiots could destroy a person, not through speech, but through silence and expected nothing less from the mega-bitch of Sherwood Ohio. A single night, no, a single action had opened the floodgates into social hell and Vex had dragged Vax’ildan along for the ride, fucking wonderful.

Vex slipped the other shoe off her foot, holding the pair loosely between her fingers. She sighed, listening to the steady pattern of cars rushing past her along the main road before turning and promptly throwing the shoes over the nearest fence.

She heard one of the cars slow, a sudden rush of anxiety rising in her chest. In a split second, she remembered every “stranger danger” PSA she’d ever set eyes on. A million urban myths of the man in a white van who picked up poor defenseless girls off the side of the road, never to be seen again ran circles round her mind and she reached for her keys. Preparing herself for whoever--or whatever--had come to a standstill behind her Vex reached into her pocket, tucking her house key neatly between the knuckles of her hand.

I'm going to turn around, she said to herself. I'm going to turn around and hold my own and--

“Nice shot.” It was Percy. Of course, it fucking was. He leaned over the handlebars of a motorcycle in all his emo-glory, one brow raised. “I wasn't aware shoe-throwing counted as a party game.”

“It doesn't.” Vex watched the snow-haired boy as he lifted the bike up onto the curb. The way his coat mixed in with the shadows causing Percy to look like a floating head with hands. Perhaps that thought would have been amusing had it not been for the general shittiness of her situation. “I'm not five, we don't play party games anymore.”

Percy chuckled, pushing his damp fringe out his eyes. “I...haven't really been to parties in a while.”

“Really?”

“Truly.” He fiddled with the bike stand for a moment, an action Vex took as a prompt to continue the conversation herself.

“How was the movie?” She asked.

“I dunno, I left halfway through.”

Vex narrowed her eyes to a squint. “You left?”

Percy shrugged, tapping the leather upholstery with his fingers. “I don't do well with murder movies. They…” he hesitated, cocking his head. “They don't freak me out or scare me, I just find them uncomfortable.”

“Then why did you go see it?”

“The title deceived me.”

Vex nodded. “Sea of Love does sound more like a romance film, doesn't it?”

“It does,” Percy agreed. “What about you? I don't go to many parties, but I assume they don't all end at ten thirty.”

“They don't, darling” Vex groaned. “I may or may not have managed to singlehandedly offend every student with so much as a hint of social status in one fell swoop.”

“Impressive, dare I ask how?”

“I crushed a piñata and puked on Zahra Hydris.”

Percy snorted, clapping a hand to his mouth as he burst into laughter. “I'm sorry,” he sputtered once he became aware of the ice cold deathglare Vex was giving him. “Is that a euphemism or have I just gone mad?”

“I wish it was a euphemism,” Vex mumbled, scuffing her bare feet against the sidewalk. “I was drunk.”

“I can tell.”

Vex poked out her tongue. “Asshole.”

“Proudly so,” Percy quipped, giving a small bob as though to punctuate the point.

Vex fixed him with a look of half bewilderment, half intrigue, shaking her head. “You're really weird.”

“Says the girl who threw shoes over a stranger's fence?”

“Says the boy riding a motorbike, in the rain, without a helmet?”

“I have a helmet,” Percy argued, lifting up the backseat of the motorbike to reveal a small storage space that did, indeed, house a helmet.

“You just weren't wearing it?” Vex asked, now more bewildered than intrigued. “Right, that sounds safe.”

“I was saving it.”

“Saving it?”

Percy cleared his throat. “If you must know, I thought you might want to wear it.” He paused, wincing. “That sounds more creepy out loud. I stopped and took it off at the corner,” he admitted, pointing a little ways back down the road.

“...did you seriously just risk crashing for a pick up line?”

“No.”

“Percy, Darling.” Now it was Vex’s turn to burst out laughing. “That’s really sad.”

The boy’s pale cheeks flushed scarlet. “It is a bit, isn't it?”

Vex grinned from ear to ear, making her way over to the bike. She stood beside him, placing a hand on one of the handlebars. “I’ll take the helmet on one condition.”

Percy’s eyes widened as though he hadn't actually expected his failed attempt at charisma to work. “Oh?” He asked meekly.

“I drive.” Vex stated, swinging a leg over the front seat, “You're not the only sap who can ride a motorbike.”

***

“I didn’t think you were home.”

When Vex opened her eyes the next morning the first thing she saw was her brother standing in her bedroom doorway. He was wearing his convenience store uniform, which told her that it was probably around six or six thirty. Too early. Far too early.

“You were conked out on the couch when I got in,” She replied, rubbing her eyes with one hand, pulling her duvet up to her chin with the other. “I didn’t want to wake you up, I have common courtesy, brother.”

Vax opened his mouth, shut it again, hesitated. “I was worried you hadn’t come home,” he said finally.

“I’m a big girl I know how to look after myself.”

“Yeah, I know.” Vax fiddled with his house keys, creating a chiming rattle of metal clinking against metal.” He chewed his lip, flicking the keys back and forth with his thumb. “Hey, Vex’ahlia.”

Vex had already pulled her duvet over her head, her eyes closed as she hoped to get a few more hours of precious sleep. “Yeah?”

“You know I’m not one to judge right?” Vax waited for his sister to nod before continuing with his question “Perhaps you could tell me why Mr. School-shooter is in our kitchen, then?”

Vex froze, her voice catching in her throat. Rather than replying she opted to push herself deeper into her cocoon of covers. “I’d forgotten about that…” she groaned. “Can we not talk about it?”

“Okay, we’ll talk about the fact that he’s only wearing his boxers.”

“VAX!” Vex sat up dead straight, her face scarlet.

“I mean, honestly, first Jarett now Percival. You’ve got to start warning me before you--” Vax ducked as Vex chucked a pillow at his head, only just missing.

“Go to work!” She yelled, fighting back a smile.

Vax raised his arms in defeat, turning on his heel. “Vex and Percival, sitting in a--AH!” The second pillow hit him square across the back of his head. “I’m going, I’m going! Gods.”

Vex waited until she heard the front door slam before getting up. She chose to get changed into pajamas over day clothes, tugging on a loose nighty and checking herself in the mirror. She didn't look too bad, most of her makeup from the night before had retreated from her face to her pillow, but her hair had kept its shape. Perfectly presentable.

Percy, on the other hand, looked a touch worse for wear. His grey hair stuck out like a chimney brush, his chin covered in a small layer of fuzz. He too hadn’t bothered getting dressed but had thrown his jacket over himself like a dressing gown--most likely for the sake of Vax’s sanity.

“Your brother seems nice,” he said as Vex walked in. He sat at the camping table that acted as the twin’s shoddy attempt at a dining room. Vex could see three plates set, one the carcass of a devoured meal, the other two relatively untouched and piled with eggs and bacon.

“Sorry about him,” she muttered apologetically, slipping into one of the empty seats.

Percy quirked his brow, spinning his fork lazily, not even attempting a bite of breakfast. “Why? Like I said, he was nice.” He nodded to his place, tapping the fork against the plastic plate. “He made eggs, we had a nice conversation.”

Vex shoved a mouthful of food into her mouth, studying the boy’s facial expressions as she chewed. “I can't tell if you’re joking.”  
Percy shrugged, his lips rising into an expression that wasn’t quite a smirk, nor a smile. “I assure you, I’m not.” He scratched his chin absentmindedly with his free hand. “I think he thought I was a burglar--hells I thought he was a burglar.”

“Did you really just use the word ‘burglar’?”

“I did, my class is showing, isn’t it?”

“Ever so slightly, darling--you going to eat that?” Vex gestured to his plate with the end of her knife.

“Ah, no I don’t really...Food makes me feel sick in the mornings.” Percy fidgeted in his seat, a touch on edge. “Is this what people usually do after…” he trailed off, waving his hand in a vague gesture that seemed to get his point across.

“After fucking? I mean it Vax usually doesn’t make the guy breakfast--uh.” Vex stopped, her cheeks suddenly alight. “This isn’t a regular thing, by the way.”

“Would it be a problem if it was?”

“I dunno, you tell me.”

Percy shrugged. “Your business is your business, no one else's and certainly not mine.”

Vex’s brow furrowed and she realized she’d leaned forward in her seat, elbows propped against the table. “You’re really weird.”

Another shrug. “So are you.”

Leaning back Vex cleared her throat, her head shaking. “This whole thing is weird.”

“Yes, it really is.” Percy rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I can leave if I’m making you uncomfortable--”

“No, no. I meant good weird,” Vex corrected quickly. An awkward silence followed as she finished her meal and Percy busied himself dicing his bacon into thin strips with the side of her fork. Vex took the quiet as an opportunity to mull over the event previous night. She knew she’d have to go apologise to Zahra-- it was either that or have to deal with her shit for the next ten months--but the very thought of it made her want to puke again.

“You okay? You’ve gone green.”

Vex blinked. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She rubbed her eye on the back of her hand as though the action would clear her mind of what she would have to do. “I’ve just got to go tell Zahra I’m sorry and I am really not looking forward to it.”

Percy cocked his head in a way that almost made him look like a puppy. “Why? She’s a bitch.”

“A bitch who has the power to make my and everyone I’ve ever cared about’s lives a living hell,” Vex clarified, getting to her feet. “Sorry, but the quicker I get this over with the better.”

Percy got up too, dropping his fork with a clatter. “Yeah, I understand...um.” He glanced down at his plate and back up at Vex. “Want some backup?”

Vex hesitated. “Kind of? Just don’t...I dunno, shoot her.”

Percy made a mock-salute with one hand. “That was a one-time shooting, scouts honor.” 


	7. Me Inside of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> over 3000 words, 10 pages. This was fun. :D
> 
> Also: I made a playlist for this fic on youtube, made up of the songs I've been listening to as I write this mess.  
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLlbRlEPvc5M0IL0aZW8tjcyboxDhY0Eh1  
> I'll add to it as songs come to me.

_  
_

[[Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esJKM00L9Ss)] **(Contains spoilers for, like, halfway through the chapter).**

 

\---

  
September 20th, 1989

_Dear Diary_

_OH GOD, THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING. THIS CAN'T BE MY LIFE. FUCK IT WASN'T MEANT TO GO THIS WAY._

\---

“Are you sure she’ll be okay with us just walking in like this?”

Vex nodded, slipping through the Hydris family homes’ back door gesturing for Percy to follow her inside. “She and Kash barge into my house whenever they like, if they have a problem with it then they’re fucking hypocrites.”

Percy hummed, looking carefully round the room. His steps were silent and light, his shoulders hunched as though he was expecting someone to tackle him. “Where are her parents anyway?”

“Grandma’s,” Vex stated, hurrying through to the kitchen. “Zahra’ll do her best to get out of the trip with or without a hangover--actually, do you think a hangover cure will lessen the blow?”

“She’s your friend, not mine, you tell me,” Percy shrugged still seeming slightly skittish. “But I guess it's worth a try.”

“Maybe I could put a phlegm globber in it? A bit of payback.” Vex muttered under her breath, starting a search through various kitchen cupboards. “What's in a prairie oyster? Egg, vinegar, hot sauce, salt…”

“Worcestershire sauce, tomato juice, and pepper,” Percy finished, joining her in throwing open door after door. “My dad trained me well.”

“As did mine.” Vex held out a hand for a high five. “Hurrah for shitty parents.”

Percy tapped his hand against hers, intertwining their fingers.“Hurrah for shitty parents…” he trailed off, staring off into space for a brief second before letting go. “I'm not really one for prairie oysters,” he smirked, rifling through the cupboard and tugging out a plastic draining bottle. “I'm more of a no-rust-build-up man myself.”

Vex was almost tempted to laugh. “No badge for you, scout. Forget about blanks that’ll definitely kill her.”

“Thus ending her hangover.” Percy smiled, grabbing a glass from the kitchen counter and uncapping the bottle.

“Yeah, sure thing, darling.” Vex sighed, mixing her own concoction in a mug. “She doesn't have any tomato juice, so I'll have to make do without.”

Percy tapped the glass, sloshing the draino round like wine. “Or we could stick with big blue.”

“Firstly, that’s worrying. Secondly, she’d ever drink that, it's neon."

“Then we’ll put it in this,” Percy transferred the liquid from glass to mug, holding it up. “she won't know what she’s drinking.”

Vex stopped what she was doing, fixing the boy with a sour glare as he cheered the fatal cocktail.

Percy blinked, his head slanted. “...I'm joking.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just not that funny, darling.”

Percy’s eyes widened for a moment as he nodded, almost dropping the cup as he put it down. “Right, sorry.” He rubbed his hands on his jeans giving the room another glance. “We could put milk in there instead of the tomato juice, that’ll mess with her stomach real bad.”

With a small shake of her head Vex put down her own cup, wrapping an arm around Percy’s shoulder. “Gods, relax Percy.”

“Oh, I’m perfectly relaxed, my sense of humor just tends to turn people o--” Percy was cut off by Vex pecking his lips. “Or we could do that, that’s fine.”

“Later,” Vex patted his shoulder, not looking down as she reached for her cup with a free hand. “But first, let’s get this over and done with.” She took in a deep breath, waving a hand in front of her face as she gathered herself before putting on her best please-don’t-kill-me smile. As she began to head in the direction of the stairs Percy grabbed the back of her shirt.

“Hey, Vex.”

“Yeah?”

A moment of silence, then laughter as Percy slapped a hand against his brow. “I forgot, I’ll remember it later if it’s important.”

***

“What the fuck are you doing in my house?”

Zahra was already awake when Vex pushed open her bedroom door. She lay spread-eagled across her bed, propped up by a halo of plump pillows.

“I came to apologize,” Vex answered quickly, holding up the mug. “I made a prairie oyster.”

Zahra rubbed her eyes, giving a small yawned. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your boy toy before you try and bribe me, Vex’ahlia?”

“Oh, right, um--”

“Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo IIl,” Percy smiled, giving the girl a small wave. “Most people call me Percy.”

Zahra looked him up and down, her head tilted back so she could meet his eye. “So, Vex does have a thing for guns, huh?”

Vex cleared her throat, practically shoving the mug in Zahra’s face. “I’m sorry for last night, I was out of line.” The words made her want to puke again. Why in the name of every god in the sky was she the one apologizing? How about Hey Vex, I’m sorry for being a massive prick or Hey sorry for trying to make your friend the laughing stock of the school.

Zahra’s judging eyes flicked from Percy to Vex, her mouth upturning into a sharp smirk. “We all say things we regret, Vex’ahlia.” She turned so she was sitting on the edge of her bed. “I suppose I can see why you got so mad in hindsight.”

“...you can?” Vex asked, her brows snapping together.

“I can.” Zahra tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “It was a mistake to try something so big when you’re still so close to Keyleth.” She reached up and took the mug from Vex’s hand, holding tightly between her fingers. “Apology accepted.”

Vex had to clench her jaw to keep it from dropping. “I..uh...wow…” She shot Percy a wide-eyed smile. He didn't do the same, but rather seemed intent on examining Zahra’s facial expressions, his own face now a sickly shade of white. “So, we’re still friends?” she asked.

Zahra’s laugh cut Vex’s happiness short. “No, whatever gave you that idea? Right to butt in on our fun or not you still ruined a perfectly good night out. You still ruined my dress and me, Lillith and Kash are going to have to beg our arses off if we ever want to be invited back at another one of Shorthalt’s parties. He can be very picky with who he lets in his house, you know that.”

Vex opened her mouth to argue, to say something in her defense, but before the words could form in her mind Zahra knocked back the prairie oyster and swallowed it whole.

The signs that something was horribly wrong became clear almost immediately as Zahra began to choke, the mug clattering to the floor as she jumped to her feet, clawing at her throat with her hands.

Vex stepped back as Zahra made a grab for her, gasping harsh and struggling breaths and her lips and teeth stained neon, her eye bulging with fear.

“What..did...you…” was all Zahara managed before she collapsed to the ground, her limbs convulsing in a final moment of life before going still.

For a moment Vex just stared, her legs threatening to fall out from underneath her, her stomach churning up a storm as her breakfast hit the back of her throat. “Gods…” she whispered, stumbling back. “I don’t think she’s breathing.” She turned to face Percy who had scrunched his eyes closed, his shoulders raised and tense.

“We picked the wrong cup,” he muttered, not opening his eyes.

“I killed my best friend.”

“And your worst enemy.”

“Same difference.” Vex raked her fingers through her fringe, not daring to look back at the body. “Fuck, what are we going to do?”

“I don’t know,” Percy muttered, covering his face with his hands, rubbing his fingers across his eyes. “I’m trying to think, but I’m a little freaked.”

“A little freaked!” Vex snapped. “We just killed a person and you’re a little freaked out?! Oh, gods we just killed someone, fuck, fuck, fuck!” She began to pace the length of the room, she couldn't breathe, she wanted to run but didn't know where. As she did this Percy’s eyes flicked open, a look of grave focus etched across his face. His head turned wildly, his body darting to action as he stepped over Zahra to reach her bedside table.

“I’ve got an idea,” he said, rolling down his sleeves so they covered his hands. “We killed her, that’s a crime.” He held up a copy of The Bell Jar Vex had seen Zahra reading for English, being sure not to touch it with his bare hands. “ _Whereas if I had the whole say, I would be dead in a flash_ ,” he quoted, swallowing hard.

“You think we can make this look like a suicide?” Vex asked nervously.

“You’re good at forging signatures, right?” asked Percy, flicking carefully through the novel, selecting a random page and ripping it free. “Think you could write like Zahra?”

“I...fuck, Percy I fake doctors notes and hall passes not suicide notes.” Vex finally looked at Zahra’s body. Really looked. She could see blue dripping out the corner of her mouth, where the skin had turned pale through lack of oxygen, where her jaw had gone slack and hung open like the gaping mouth of a snake. “Do you have a pen?”

Percy patted his pockets. “No, um.” He opened the bed stand drawer and fished out a pencil. “Here,” he slipped off his jacket, passing the book, page, and pencil over to Vex in a crumpled parcel. “Don’t touch the paper,” he warned.

Vex was going to be sick. She could feel it. “R-right.” It took some fumbling, but eventually she managed to find a comfortable way of holding the supplies through the fabric of the jacket. She bit her lip, holding the pencil just above the paper.

“ _Dear World_ ,” she wrote reading aloud as she did. _“You might think what I've done is shocking…_ ” she trailed off, trying to keep her hands steady.

“ _To me though, suicide is the natural answer to the myriad of problems life has given me_ ,” Percy continued, prompting Vex to keep going with a wave of his hand.

“Zahra wouldn’t use the word ‘myriad’,” Vex muttered. “She was complaining about how she misspelled it in the vocab test last week.”

“Then misspell it now, it could be a badge for her failures at school.”

“G-good idea.” Vex wrote the words across the page, pushing hard with the pencil so the note didn't become lost in the sea of printed lettering. “ _People think just because you're beautiful and popular, life is easy and fun. Nobody understood I had feelings too._ ” Gods, she was making Zahra sound like air supply.

Percy clapped his hands together, knocking Vex back to her senses. “ _I die knowing no one knew the real me_ ,” he finished. “The me _inside of me,_ no that’s too poncy for her isn’t it?”

Vex finished printing the note, shaking her head. “No, no, it’s good.” She passed it back to Percy who began setting up the book and note near enough Zahra’s body for her actions to be easily implied. “You done this before or something?”

Percy said nothing but put his jacket back on. “We should get out of here. Before her parents get home.”

***

Vex thought the death of the demon queen of high school would warrant a day off. She was wrong, apparently, Zahra’s reputation and prowess were only enough to earn the students of Westerberg high a half day. Perhaps that was for the best as the morning's lessons at least gave her something to do, something to think about. It wasn’t until lunch that she was truly forced to think about Zahra Hydris.

“Ms. Sarenrae is gathering everyone in the gym,” Kash told her as their final class drew to a close. He’d caught her at her locker, his books tucked neatly in his arms. “Something about group mourning or some shit like that while the buses are refueled.” He’d looked like he’d been smacked across the face with a brick wall. His frown low hanging and deep, his eyes half-lidded, his voice deep as though his entire being was being dragged downwards.

“Are you okay, Kash? Vex asked, not for the first time.

“My best friend drowned herself in bleach, I’m doing fucking swell,” he grumbled in reply. “I’m going to drive home.”

“Teek ve to?” Lillith asked, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “I don’t veenk I can handle Ms. S’ hippy bullshit.”

Kash said nothing, shrugging off her shoulder. “See you tomorrow,” was all he bothered to say as he walked off.

Lillith frowned after him, nibbling cautiously at her lip. “This is all so…” she paused in search of the right word.

“Shit?” Vex offered, leaning back against her locker.

“Sheet,” Lillith agreed, her accent earning a laugh. “My mother is dee same,” she muttered, rubbing the back of her neck. “She and Zahra’s dad were veery close, she was her feevourte niece.” She faltered for a moment. “Vits hard.”

“I know it is,” Vex offered. In truth she had no idea how Lillith or Kash felt, she had known Zahra as a friend for three weeks, they had known her since diapers. “Meet you at the gym? I need to…” throw up. Food had not rested well in her stomach over the past two days. While Vex was yet to actually throw up her stomach made sure to make her feel as though she was always on the edge of blowing chunks. “God to the bathroom.”

“Vight,” Lillith nodded, giving a wave before heading off on her way.

“You’re not actually going to that thing are you?” Percy asked from somewhere to Vex’ahlia’s right.

“It’s either that or walking home,” Vex sighed, turning to Percy with a ghost of a smile. “How are you doing?”

Percy shrugged. “I’m alright.”

“Good for you.”

Percy bit his lip, wrapping his arms around Vex and pulling her into a tight embrace. “It was an accident, you shouldn’t beat yourself up.”

“Accident or not she’s still dead.”

“Accident or not being depressed won't change anything.” Percy sighed, resting his head on her shoulder. “Want to come back to my place? We could watch daytime TV, take your mind off things.”

“Sounds nice.” Vex leaned her head back, looking up at the ceiling. “How are you keeping so calm?”

“I’m not,” Percy admitted truthfully. “My brain is currently a chorus of ‘holy shit what have I done?’”

“Same here.”

“It’s awful isn’t it?”

Vex shrugged, giving a loud, long sigh. “If we head off now we could catch Knotts Landing.”

***

The de Rolo rental was, in many ways, similar to Vex’s own home; small, bare and with only the most basic of necessities. In fact, the only difference between the two homes was the number of boxes littered about the place. There were so many that Percy piled them up at the foot of the couch for him and Vex to prop their feet up while they flicked through channel after channel, not bothering with the etiquette of removing shoes and jackets.

Vex lay with her head on Percy’s chest, one arm wrapped around him, his arm wrapped around her. It was an hour that would have been relaxing had it not been for the fact that a majority of the tv broadcast was taken up by the familiar faces of various students gushing about how wonderful and missed Zahra was.

“Oh, Zahra, yes she was in my English class,” Lyra, a girl Vex hadn’t even thought about in years reported. “We were put in a group project together by Ms. Cyndrial a little while ago and, well I wouldn’t want to brag but I felt we hit it off right away.”

“You left us to do all the work!” Vex cried at the screen, scrunching up her nose. “She hated you and you hated her, why are you lying?”

Percy clicked the remote a few times, each channel running the same near identical clip of Kashaw’s grim scowl.

“I don’t want to talk about it, you _beep_ \--ing piranhas!” he snapped, raising a blurred middle finger to the camera.

Percy muted the tv, twisting his lip. “She’s all they want to talk about, she’s more popular now than ever and all she had to do is die.” Vex felt him shudder, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “Scary stuff.”  
“Scary stuff,” she agreed, sitting up enough to give him a quick kiss on the cheek just as the sound of the front door slamming open reached their ears.

Percy rolled his eyes, untangling himself from Vex as he sat up. “Hey son,” he called to whoever was in the hallway, “you know we don’t slam doors in this house.”

It was this point that the living room door slammed open, revealing a man who liked the near splitting image of Percy--well, a Percy that was a few inches taller, wore a suit and had brown hair at least.

“Hey dad,” the man grunted, obviously trying his best attempt at mimicking Percy’s voice and doing quite a good job at it. “How was work today?” He loosened his tie with one hand, his face cloudy with a tired, low-level anger that Vex was used to seeing in the eyes of her own father. “It was terrible,” he continued, answering his own question. “A group of complete morons are trying to protest the destruction of the damn hotel, all because The White Duke played there twenty years ago.” His expression darkened, jaw tightening. “It’s just like Kanas, remember Kansas?”

Percy shot Vex a look, raising one brow. “The ‘Save the Memorial Oak Tree Society, right?”

“The Save the Memorial Oak Tree Society!” The man scoffed, giving his head a shake. “Idiots.” His eyes finally met Vex’ahlia’s, his expression turning quizzical. “Gosh, Dad, I almost forgot to introduce my girlfriend.”

“Ah.” Percy gestured to Vex with a nod. “Dad meet Vex’ahlia, Vex this is my dad, Frederick. The man behind the commercials.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Vex smiled, getting to her feet and offering the man her hand. Frederick didn’t bother shaking it, keeping his own arms to his sides.

Percy cleared his throat in an attempt at continuing conversation. “Percival, why don't you ask your little friend to stay for dinner?” he prompted.

“Oh, um.” Vex shook her head. “I should get home, me and Vax are having spaghetti tonight and I’d hate to keep him waiting.”

“Yeah?” A slight frown tugged at the side of Percy’s mouth. “We haven’t had spaghetti in ages, huh, dad?” He looked passed Vex, his attention wholly on his father. “Texas right? Just before you and Mom demolished...what was it now?”

“Library.”

“Right, right.”

Vex could have cut the tension in the room with a knife. “I’ll get going,” she said quickly. “Zahra’s funeral is tomorrow and--”

“Yeah, don’t let us keep you,” Percy managed a smile, mock-shooing her away. “Say hi to your brother for me.”


	8. Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. Not surprisingly this chapter is not going to reflect either the events from the musical or the movie, for reasons of me keeping my sanity.
> 
> Also. Fun fact this chapter was meant to be hella short...yeah, it's not.

[[Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzqUTJ7U3xs)] ( **I cannot stress how NSFW this song is,** it contains triggers for sexual assault and does not reflect the plot of the chapter)

 

\---

_September 23th, 1989_

_Dear Diary,_

_This whole thing is like a nightmare. I keep expected to wake up and find what me and Percy did undone. Or that someone will figure it out and arrest us. What will Vax think of me? What does mom think of me--of us now both her children are criminals?_

_No, stealing and murder aren't the same, I shouldn’t compare them._

_...manslaughter, not murder. I didn't mean to kill her, neither did Percy, not really._

_I keep wanting to scream it out at people. Tell someone or, hells, scream it from the fucking rooftops. My confession is always on the tip of my godsdamned tongue._

_I KILLED ZAHRA HYDRIS._

\---

When Pike Trickfoot announced to her friends and family that she was going to join the church after she left school no one was in the least bit surprised. After all being the granddaughter of the local preacher basically set her up to inherit the position.

What did surprise Vex was when she heard Pike’s voice pipe up from the opposite side of the confession stall.

“Pike?!” She squeaked, turning to face the mesh wall.

“Oh...I'm not sure if I can confirm that,” came the older woman’s reply. It had been a good few months since Vex had heard that voice, but the high-pitched, bell-ringing chime was instantly recognizable.

“Oh, it's a bit late for that, darling,” Vex snorted, scrunching her skirt between her fingers. “How are you?”

“I should be asking you that.” Vex could hear the smile on Pike’s face. “I doubt you’ve set foot in a church in your life, Zahra brought you here, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Pike hummed. “Wilhand asked me to do the funeral.”

“Shit.”

“No, no. It’s not a bad thing.” Pike’s side of the booth rustled as she moved in her seat. “It’s certainly...weird leading the funeral of a person I went to school with, but a funeral’s a funeral I guess.” She laughs and Vex could feel the other girl’s eyes on her. “But enough about me, what you here for? What sins have you to confess?”

Vex opened her mouth, hesitated and closed it again. “I don't know if it's a sin, I’m not sure, I just feel…” she placed a hand on her stomach, her back slumping slightly. “Weird. Like I’m going to throw up, but I’m not.”

“You’re grieving,” Pike answered reassuringly. “It’s perfectly normal for you to feel that way.”

“I know, Pike.” Vex winced. “But this is different. It’s not like when ” she had to force the words from her mouth “when mom died. I felt angry then, now I feel guilty.”

“And that's why you're here.” Pike grew quiet, a long pause taking over the small space. “Do you blame yourself for Zahra’s death?”

 _Yes,_ “I guess.”

“That’s what you wanted to confess.”

“Yeah.”

Pike cleared her throat. “I...I’m not too sure what to say,” she admitted truthfully. “But for what it’s worth Vex, I know you’re a good person. I know that deep down you and Zahra were good friends, even if you didn't agree on everything. You had no way of knowing what was going on in Zahra’s mind, none of us did. There's no point in you confessing to a sin you haven't actually committed, now is there?”

Vex felt tears brimming in her eyes, a bubble threatening to burst into a downpour. It was as though all the gods were glaring at her from all corners of the room. She was lying to Pike Trickfoot of all people.

“But I did kill her” she whispered. Her voice no louder than a breath as she wiped her eyes on the sleeves of her jumper.

“What you say, Vex? I didn't hear you.”

“What? Oh, nothing.” She sniffed, clambering awkwardly to her feet. “I should let you get on with the funeral prep.”

“Are you sure?” Pike asked. “You sound upset, if there’s something you need to talk about--”

“I’m fine, darling. I’m just overwhelmed.”

Silence. “Well, alright, if you say so. Just remember I’m here if you need me.”

“I will.”

***

Zahra’s funeral was very run-of-the-mill as far as funerals went. Granted Vex had only been to a single funeral in her life so she didn't have much to go on.

The thing that became most apparent to her as she walked into the church was the number of people. While her mother’s funeral had been sparse of people outside of her closest friends, the Hydrises had invited the whole school which Vex suspected was the only reason Percy had bothered showing up. He still wore his jacket but had swapped his usual gray t-shirt for a pressed white collared number that made him look even more like his dad.

He sat at Vex’s left, her brother at her right. The three were pushed too close together by the congregation, the moving body of friends, family and student pressing down on Vex from all sides.

Once Pike took her place above the casket Vex zoned out, focusing on Zahra’s still form. She looked peaceful, as though she were sleeping rather than dead.

Vex drew on yet more memories of her mother's funeral. It had been in the name of the Raven Queen, just as her mother had wanted. Part of that meant that the sweet and humble seamstress had lain in her coffin without a hint of makeup, her face a clear and pale canvas of death. Vex had no idea which of the hundreds upon hundreds of deities Zahra’s family worshiped, but they didn't seem to have quite the same feelings towards the treatment of the newly dead.

Zahra’s face was a picture, a painting of foundation, blush, lipstick and eyeshadow, a rainbow of reds and pinks and blacks and whites. That made sense in many ways and Vex couldn't help but feel that Zahra would be happy for her corpse to be as beautiful as she was in life.

What was Pike talking about? Vex couldn't hear properly, her ears a hum of storming blood and screaming thoughts. She jumped as Percy placed a hand on her knee, giving it a quick squeeze.

 _You okay?_ He mouthed and she became painfully aware of how much she was shaking.

 _Fine. You?_ She replied, managing a weak smile.

Percy waved his hand, raising his shoulders. So-so. He looked to the front of the church, watching as people began to clamber to their feet, one by one, and approach the open casket. They would kneel beside it, obviously in prayer, before returning to their seats.

This hadn’t been a part of Vex’s mother’s funeral either.

Vex slowly stood up, adjusting her skirt and turned to scoot past Percy and out of the pews.

“What are you doing?” both Percy and her brother asked, their voices no louder than a whisper.

“Praying,” Vex hissed in reply, already hurrying to join the gradually filling line of grievers. She couldn't help but feel exposed standing there, but the best place to hide is in plain sight. That’s what people said, right? She winced, nibbling at her bottom lip as she watched the students of Westerburg pray one by one.

There were the students she expected; Lillith and Kashaw, but also--of all people--Scanlan and Grog. It felt odd seeing them act civilized, Grog had even managed to dress up somewhat formally.

One by one each student took their turn to pray before making their leave. Scanlan and Grog’s prayers were quick, almost as though all they could be bothered to say was “hi”, Lillith took longer, Kash took forever. That made sense, Vex decided, if Vax had been in the one in the coffin she’d have done the same. Eventually, Kash stood up and skulked off, allowing Vex her turn.

 _Hey, um, Zahra? Raven Queen? I don’t know who I’m talking to right now. I don’t even really know what I’m doing, to be honest. She shifted on her knees, forming her face into an emotionless mask. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry and that’s really all I can say. I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you, to Lillith, to your mom and dad, to Kash…_ Her thoughts trailed off and Vex simply knelt for a moment, searching for a way to put her feelings into words. Eventually, she gave up. _Sorry_.

\---

“Hey, Vex’ahlia!” Lillith bolted over almost as soon as Vex exited the church, half cornering her in the courtyard.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Percy smiled, giving her a pat on the shoulder as he walked off towards the parking lot. Much to Vex’s dismay.

“Hi Lillith,” she did her best to smile.

“Scanlan and Grog invited vee and Kash to go out tonight, like to have a wake for Zahra. But Kash stormed off, so I thought maybe you could come?”

Vex furrowed her brow, casting a glance to Grog and Scanlan who had made a game throwing rocks at the weathervane atop the church steeple. Scanlan missed each throw but she was sure that Grog wasn’t far off from knocking the Sun-god’s holy symbol to the ground.

“Sister, usually I’d be all for you paying your respects,” Vax muttered, wincing as one of Grog’s rocks hit the holy symbol with a loud thunk! “But perhaps Grog and Scanlan--”

“Aren’t the best people to be hanging out with,” Vex finished, her head bobbing in a knowing nod.

“Oh please come, Vex," Lillith pleaded. "I already seeid I would go and I don't vant to be on my own with...well” she gestured to the boys as another rock struck the surprisingly sturdy weathervane, “them--and they’vee been really kind the past vew days.”

Vex quirked her brow. “They have?”

“They have!” She sounded almost as surprised as Vex. “I vink Zahra dying scared vem into being nice.

Vex’ahlia thought for a moment, her eyes flicking from Grog to Scanlan to Lillith. She was half-tempted to say no. She was half-tempted to spend the night curled up on the sofa with Trinket and Vax and watch shitty TV. She was half-tempted to go hang out with Percy again. And yet she found herself saying, with an odd degree of confidence, “Sure, but if it ends up with us in some field with them tipping cows like last time we hung out with them, I walk.”

\---

When Scanlan and Grog led Lillith and her towards the farming paddocks at the edge of town Vex almost walked off then and there. But, for some odd reason, she didn’t and opted instead to hoist herself over the waist-high fence surrounding Old Man Reginald’s ranch and helped Lillith to do the same. She even found herself laughing as Scanlan attempted to lift himself over the wooden beams, before begrudgingly allowing Grog to lift him up and over like a child.

“So, what’s the plan anyway?” she asked, following the pack of teens as they made their way further into the empty field. “Get drunk?”

“Git drunk!” Grog confirmed, beaming at her over his shoulder, patting a duffle bag that was, without a doubt, bursting at the seams with alcohol.

“Doesn’t your dad see that vall his liquor’s missing?” Lillith asked, the question causing Scanlan to snort.

“He’s a bit too dumb for that. He just ends up thinking he drank it and forgot.”

Vex narrowed her eyes, listening with keen ears to the steady clinking of glass radiating with Grog’s every step. Syldor had always made sure to keep the liquor of the Vessar household firmly under lock and key, it was one of the main reasons Vax had decided to learn lock picking and even after the padlock had been well and truly conquered the two twins never dared to steal more than a sip or two. The idea of pinching a glass, let alone an entire bottle was completely foreign to her.

Grog laid out each bottle in the grass, four bottles of what looked to be rather cheap wine, a bottle of Jack Daniels and several cans of lager. An Impressive spread to say the least. Vex took a seat beside them, wishing she’d brought a blanket as the icy dew seeped into her skirt.

“What wine’s this?” she asked, taking a bottle and screwing off the cap.

Lillith picked up her own bottle, squinting at the label. “Strawverry heel,” she answered as Vex held her drink bottoms up and took a swig.

“Pa!” she choked almost as soon as the liquid hit her throat. “Tastes like shit!” She spat the hot-pink drink into the grass, sticking out her tongue. “Gods, it’s sweet as hell.”

Lillith’s brow furrowed and she twisted the cap off a fresh bottle, taking a dainty sip. “Tastes vine to me,” she reported, going to another mouthful.

Grog and Scanlan took turns giving their own reactions, with Scanlan uttering a light hum of approval at the drink while Grog had a reaction akin to Vex’s, if somehow more exaggerated.  
It was freezing in the paddock, surrounded by the sticky, knee-high blades of grass begging to be mowed, be it by machine or animal. Though Vex quickly found herself becoming used the environment to the point where she lay back, clutching the shit-sweet wine to her chest. All around her she could hear the sounds of a thousand tiny creatures fluttering from place to place, a small smattering of mosquitos and fireflies fluttering drunkenly about the sky above her head. They weren’t far enough from the city for the stars to be as bright as she would have liked them to be, but it was enough so that she could more clearly see the constellations her mother had shown her on the odd camping trip when she and Vax were really young.

“Vull moon,” Lillith muttered, joining Vex in her bed of grass and dirt.

“Full moon,” Vex confirmed, her eyes moving to the bright-white giant climbing to the center of the sky.

“Zahra worshiped the moon,” the other girl continued. “Some goddess ve hadn’t heard of.”

“Zahra was religious?” Scanlan asked, stretching out beside them, using his beret as a make-shift pillow.

Lillith paused before answering. “Sort of? She believed in her and I vink it’s vhy she always wore that weird necklace—did you vear that her parents can’t find it?”

Vex narrowed her eyes, trying to remember if Zahra had been wearing the moonstone pendant last time she'd seen her alive. It was such a small detail that she couldn’t really be sure. “Maybe she left it at yours, Scanlan?”

The small boy offered only a shrug in reply. “Haven’t seen it anywhere.”

“Vit’s weird,” Lillith sighed, sending a wave of nerves through Vex’s stomach. Percy didn’t seem the type to steal and she definitely hadn’t lain a finger on Zahra, not after she’d choked on draino at least. “This whole vhing is weird.”

It was Grog, of all people, to be the one to speak up first. “It was weird when my mom died too. Like…” he scrunched up his face. “Fucking-a it’s just fuckin’ weird, right.”

Vex raised her head slightly to look at him, one brow arched. “I didn’t know your mom died, Grog.”

“Neither did I,” Scanlan added, taking a long swig of Strawberry Hill. “I thought she’d run off or something. Why didn’t you tell me, Grog? I’m offended.”

Grog felt his cheeks redden. “Well it never came up, did it? Like, you talk ‘bout your mom so much n’ I didn’t really want to, like, interrupt ya’ or nothing.”

“I don’t talk about my mother that much.”

“Mother,” Vex giggled. “Since when did we live in the eighteen-hundreds?” She rubbed her leg, feeling some insect jump off her and into the brush. “Maybe we should make a club or something?”

“For wot?”

“For dead moms.”

Scanlan laughed again, though his voice was far more nervous than before. “You too? Fuck! Hey Lillith, both your parents are alive, right?”

“Sadly,” Lillith sighed, catching herself just as the word left her mouth. “Ah, sorry. I didn’t veen to— “

“Oh, it’s fine darling,” Vex said quickly, waving an arm as though to bat away the albino girl’s apology. “I’m guessing your parents are shit?” When Lillith nodded Vex couldn’t help but grin. “Then we’ll have a shitty parent’s club, sounds better than ‘Dead Mom Club’ at least.”

“Mah Dad ain’t shit,” Grog argued, giving a small humph.

“He beats you up, regularly!” Vex shot back, shaking her head.

“Right, but that’s just play fighting. If I said uncle or whatever he’d stop right away—not that I give up or nothing.” Grog shifted himself, his hand reaching for a can of beer. “It’s mah uncle Kevdak who’s the right shit one. He kicks ya’ when you’re down, mah dad help’s ya’ up.”

“That was almost deep Grog,” Scanlan grinned, giving his friend a ‘thumbs up’. In reply Grog promptly abandoned his quest for beer to punch him hard in the ribs.

“Thanks, mate.”

Scanlan groaned, rolling onto his side, arms wrapped around his stomach. “Oh, I deserved that.”

“Yeah, yer did,” Grog agreed, cracking the drink tab off his beer and chucking it hard across the paddock.  
The group lay there in silence for a few long minutes, the quiet broken only by the bubbling of one of them taking a drink. For the first time in the past three days, Vex’s mind was completely free of thought. She did not focus on Vax, Zahra or Percy, nor that oddness of how nice Scanlan and Grog were acting.

“Do you guys remember kindergarten?” She asked suddenly, not taking her eyes off the twinkle of a plane traveling overhead.

Scanlan raised an eyebrow. “That’s a bit outta nowhere isn’t it?”

“Kinda? This is just reminding me of naptime,” Vex laughed, cheering her bottle. “With booze, though.”

“And in the middle of fucking nowhere,” Scanlan added. “Were you and Vax even living here then?”

“No, we came here in. Like. Third grade? But all kindergartens are the same, aren’t they?”

“I guess. This is nice though.”

“Vit is,” Lillith agreed.

“Nah, man. This is fucking boring.”

Scanlan scoffed. “Remember when you tried to climb out the window during nap time and you got stuck?”

“Yeah, cause it was fucking boring!” Grog pointed out with a huff. “What use is sleepin’ in the middle of the day anyway? All you could do is fuckin’ lay there and listen to Keyleth n’ Cashew flirt.”

Vex rolled her eyes. “Kindergarteners don’t flirt.”

The two Sherwood-born boys glanced at each other before replying in near unison “Yes they do.”

“It’s cringy as all hell,” Scanlan finished with a wince. “Like gods above even as a kid I knew it was cringy.”

Lillith laughed, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. “I am beginning to vink your school vas very different to mine.”

Vex propped herself up on one elbow. “Oh?”

“Ve didn’t have any supervision vat nap time so my sisters started a…” she giggled again, shaking her head. “A fight club.”

“In kindergarden?!” Vex squeaked, her eyes wide.

“Ha! That’s fucking sweet!” Grog beamed from ear-to-ear. “Yer from Wildmount right? I’m moving there.”

Lillith shook her head. “I’m from Palac Lusterka,” she corrected. “And I wouldn’t recommend a visit. It's, uh, horrible and traumatizing.”

“Jeez,” Vex physically flinched. “Sounds rough.”

Scanlan raised his bottle. “I’ll drink to that.”

The four all slipped into another silence after that, this one not enterally thoughtless as Vex couldn’t help but find herself falling backward into alcohol-fuelled nostalgia.

“I keep forgetting you guys weren’t always assholes,” she said before she could stop herself.

“Yeah me too,” Scanlan agreed, his voice surprisingly somber.  
\---  
Vex had a feeling something was wrong the moment she stepped onto school grounds. At first, she tried to blame her hangover—getting drunk on a school night had definitely not been the best idea.

But no, this feeling of dread was caused by more than simply poor life decisions. It was the odd glances Vex kept spotting as she walked to her locker, the whispers and giggles.

“Little girl!” The voice of Tarryon Darrington calling to her from down the hall knocked Vex from her train of thought, causing her to pause.

“I’m three months older than you,” she groaned, rolling her eyes.

Tary waved a dismissive hand at her comment. “Semantics.” It was somewhat odd to see him not being flanked by his brother, the other Darrington’s place having been taken by Brian Foster, a kid Vex vaguely recognized as one of the head members of Westerberg's school newspaper.

“We’re doing a page on Zahra, like an in memorial,” Brian explained, pushing his friend to the side. “We wanted to see if you had anything of hers, like poems, writings, teen angst stuff—its more tasteful than I’m making it sound, I promise.”

Vex pursed her lips into a scowl. “No, I don’t have anything of hers, ask Lillith or Kash.

“We tried Kash,” Tary wrinkled his nose, rubbing his cheek. “He tried to punch me.”

Vex had to bite her tongue to keep herself from laughing. “And Lillith?”

“She’s not here today, called in sick.”

“Not surprising.”

Vex’s words seemed to surprise Tary, his eye widening ever-so-slightly. “What do you mean?” he asked.

Vex shrugged. “Me and her were hanging out last night, didn’t get home until really late. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, well, that’s just not what Grog and Scanlan were saying is all.”

A mixture of panic and intrigue hit Vex’s gut, a sudden icy chill spreading through her chest. “Oh?” she asked. “What are they saying, then?”

Brian gave Tary another shove, fixing him with a sharp glare out the corner of his eye. “Nothing, just stupid stuff no-one believes.”

“I thought what they said sounded pretty trustworthy—“  
“Tarryon, shut up.”

Vex shook her head. “No, no. Let him tell me what they said.”

Tary’s face turned scarlet, his big mouth starting to stutter. “Uh…how do I put this…” For the first time in her life, Vex watched as Tarryon Darrington was at a loss for words. “Let’s say they claimed they had a…sword fight in your mouth—‘

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!” Vex felt herself flinch, her face convulsing into a sneer. “That’s disgusting.”

“And obviously not—“ before Brian could finish his sentence Vex had pushed past him, her jaw clenched so hard she half-feared her teeth would crack.

It didn’t take her too long to reach Scanlan’s locker, it took even less time for her fist to hit him square in the face.

“Ow—what was that for?” Scanlan snapped, slapping her hands away.

“You know what it was for you little shit!” Vex yelled, feeling the eyes of the surrounding students fix on her. “Spreading rumors? What are you, twelve?!”

“Rumours? Oh.” Scanlan’s expression faded to neutral. “That. It was a joke—eek!”

Vex lifted the smaller teen off his feet by the scruff of his collar. “A joke?” she muttered darkly. “Are you serious? I thought you were fucking nice, I really fucking did.”

“Vex.” she froze as she felt a hand pat her shoulder, spotting a flash of white hair out the corner of her eyes. Percy’s face, much like her own, was dark with anger, though his voice was low and calm. “He really isn’t worth it.”

Vex clenched her jaw, drew in a deep breath and promptly dropped Scanlan flat on his ass, uttering a firm “fuck you,” before turning and storming off back down the hall. Percy followed at her heels, having to half-jog to keep up.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“No, darling. I’m pissed.”

“Rightfully so,” Percy admitted. “But getting angry isn’t going to help anyone.”

“I know, but still!” Vex groaned, running her fingers through her hair. “It’s a complete lie, by the way. Everything they're saying is a lie”

“Yes, I know. Never doubted you for a minute.”

Vex sniffed, giving a small chuckle. “You barely know me.”

“True,” A hint of a smile flashed across Percy’s face. “But I know you enough to understand the difference between true events and some ridiculous falsehood.”

“Darling, your class is showing again.”

“Dammit.”

Vex allowed herself a full laughed this time. “Gods, I just want to punch them both. They’re such assholes.”

“Well, you’ve already hit one of them.” Percy bit his lip, his eyes lighting up suddenly.

“Oh, that doesn’t look good,” Vex furrowed her brow.

“What doesn’t look good?”

“That face, that’s the face Vax gets when he’s about to steal something.”

Percy laughed nervously, pushing his glasses up his nose. “I had a terrible idea.”

“All the more reason for me to be worried, but please go on.”

Percy cast a glance over his shoulder, making sure that the two were, indeed alone. “I think I know how we can get our own back.”


	9. Our Love is God

 

[[Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3dGcN_mJ50)]

\---

_September 27th, 1989_

_Dear Diary,_

_You know what? Fuck it. I'm not writing anything today. Fuck this._

_Fuck Zahra._

_Fuck Scanlan._

_Fuck Grog._

_Fuck Percival de Rolo._

\---

“Oh hi, Scanlan. Yeah, it’s Vex. Yeah...I didn't expect to be calling either, I guess my emotions just took over….I was wondering if you wanted all those things you were talking about to really happen, it’s always been a fantasy of mine to have two guys at once--”

Vex was cut off by Percy’s laugh, his hand cupped over his mouth. He sat on the edge of her bed, his eyebrows raised in a way that seemed to say _does he seriously believe this?_ She rolled her eyes and chucked her pillow at him, a projectile he took no steps to avoid.

“--yeah, meet me behind the school...at dawn,” Vex continued “And don’t forget Grog.” With that she slammed her landline back onto its stand, her lips parted in a wide grin. “I am the best liar in the world,” she practically sang the words.

“He believed you?”

“Hook, line and sinker.”

Percy propped his head up in his hands. “I’m so proud of you.”

Vex gave a small bob in an imitation of a bow. “Thank you, darling. Now what?”

There seemed to be a flicker in Percy’s expression. A slight flash in his eyes that Vex couldn't quite place. He lifted a large duffle bag from the bedroom floor, plonking it down between him and Vex. “Did you do German history?” he asked.

“No, we did American. Why?”

Percy unzipped the bag a little, lifting a small case from within it. “These,” he said, opening the case to reveal two pistols and a load of bullets neatly lined alongside them, “are ich _luge_ bullets.”

“ _ich luge?_ ” Vex asked, picking one up between her finger nails. An uneasy feeling built up in her gut. “I’m not shooting them.”

“We're not going to shoot them, not fatally anyway,” Percy said quickly. “They’re from World War Two, they contain a tranquilizer so when you're hit by them they cause a little blood--not enough to cause any damage--and knock you out cold. The Nazis used them to fake their own suicides when the Russians invaded Berlin.”

Vex held it up to the light, examining the hard metal casing for a moment. “And you got these, how?”

“My granddad brought home a bunch when he served in the war, they’ve been passed down to my dad and now me,” Percy explained cooly, taking the bullet from her and loading it into the chamber of one of the guns.

“Like a family heirloom for gun-fanatics?”

“I suppose you could call them that, yes.”

Vex hummed, giving a nod. “So we use these on Scanlan and Grog, then what?”

“That, my dear, is where you come in.” Percy fished through the bag once again, retrieving a spiral notepad. “We leave them, knocked out and with this.” He turned to a random page. “ _Grog and I died so we could hide our gay forbidden love from a disapproving world_.”

“Another fake suicide?” Vex deadpanned.

  
“Another fake suicide,” Percy confirmed. “But this time all that will be hurt is their dignity.”

“I’m pretty sure Scanlan isn’t the kind of guy to be offended by this kind of thing.”

Percy shrugged. “They called me a fag like it was an insult. Either they’ll say they don’t see anything wrong in being gay and reveal themselves to not be the homophobic assholes we thought them to be or they’ll be two homophobic assholes that got what’s coming to them. Win win.”

“Mm, I think I understand what you’re getting at,” Vex said without a great deal of certainty. “And you want me to write the note?”

“The depends on whether or not you want to do it and if you can forge Scanlan’s handwriting.”

“Are you doubting my forging ability, darling?”

“I wouldn’t even dream of it.”

Vex took the notepad from him, trying to hold whatever scraps of Scanlan Shorthalt’s handwriting she’d ever set eyes on. Holding a pen loosely between her fingers she began to copy Percy’s note word for word. “Hey Percy, I just thought of something.”

“Oh?”

“Should we…” she laughed nervously. “Test them out?”

Percy raised an eyebrow. “You’re talking about the bullets?”

“I mean, you said these things are from World War Two. Gods know if these things even still work.”

“Your logic’s somewhat sound, Vex, but these things knock you out a good while and we both need to be awake and at school by dawn.”

Vex rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t talking about using them on us. Me and Vax have had this prank war going since we were kids and I just thought that this might be a good way of getting back at him for putting chicken curry in my bed.”

Percy snorted, his eyes darting downwards to the duvet. “He put chicken curry in your bed?”

“He did! And all I did was steal his lousy boots.” Vex gestured to the gun with her hand. “Besides, he’s always complaining that he has trouble sleeping.”

Percy picked up the gun case, sliding both it and the bullets back into the duffle bag. “I understand sibling rivalries can get heated--believe me, I know--but I think _shooting_ _him_ it's taking it a bit too far.”

“You have siblings then?”

Percy’s expression faltered again. “I had a little sister.”

Now it was Vex’s turn to look surprised. Past tense, not good. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Percy swallowed hard, his mouth twitching into the faintest hint of a smile. “Thanks, uh,” he rubbed his face with his hand, combing his fingers through his hair. “I’ll help you set up something for your brother. I could rig the toilet to spray him next time he uses it.”

“The fact that you know how to do that concerns me, but by all means go ahead.”

\---

The woods behind the school were far, far colder than Vex’ahlia had expected. The air was heavy with mist, the grass coated thickly with a mountain of dew. At first Percy had worried about them leaving footprints, but they had managed to pick a root where the grass was most covered with leaves. Their shoes becoming sticky with drenched plant matter and sap.

They found a suitable clearing, one far enough from the school for them to be able to scarper without being spotted, but close enough for someone to actually find the two male students' sleeping “corpses” and set up. Percy hid behind a thicket, his body low to the ground as he and Vex waited for their victims to appear.

It took a while. A long while. But just as Vex was tempted to call the whole thing off she heard the steady crunch of approaching footsteps.

“Hey Vex,” Scanlan waved to her as he entered the clearing, Grog on his heels.

“So, do we just, like, whip it out or what?” the taller of the two asked, completely serious.

Vex bit her tongue to stop herself from laughing, hearing a sharp rustle of surprise from Percy’s hiding stop ten paces behind her as Scanlan elbowed Grog hard in the ribs.

“Take it slow, Grog, darling.” Vex wore the flirtiest smile she could muster. She looked to two up and down, her hands--hidden skillfully behind her back--tightening around the handle of her gun. She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Strip for me.”

“Strip?” Scanlan quirked his brow, casting Grog a silent glance. The other boy shrugged in a way that seemed to suggest _why not?_  before unzipping his jacket. Scanlan quickly followed suit.

“What ‘bout you?” Grog asked, pausing, his shirt halfway over his head.

Vex wracked her brain for an answer. “I...was thinking you could rip my clothes off me, sport.” She heard another fissle of leaves from behind her and for a brief second she couldn't help but worry if Grog and Scanlan had heard them as well.

Grog nodded, “I can do that.” And with that, he continued to strip.

Once the two boys were down to nothing but their socks and underwear Vex readied her gun, a slight shiver of excitement rippling through her chest. “On the count of three,” she said, giving the boys a saucy wink. “One.” She nodded, a gesture for Scanlan and Grog to continue for her.

“Two.”

“ _Three_.” As soon as the word passed Vex’s lips Percy leaped into action. He jumped to his feet, obviously startling both Scanlan and Grog and pulled the trigger with expert timing. Vex, on the other hand, fumbled something rotten. Her hands shook too much for her to properly line up a shot and Scanlan was far too small a target as it was. Her bullet flew a mile over his head as Grog crumpled to the ground, blood spilling from a wound in his throat.

Scanlan ran without even saying so much as a word.

“You missed him!” Percy cried, his voice low, almost angry.

Vex laughed, watching the small spec that was Scanlan disappear behind the tree line. “Yeah, but his face was worth it! Did you see?”

Percy said nothing in return, just bolted off after the other boy, his gun in hand.

Vex watch him go, her brows knitting with a new-found nervousness as she heard a sharp gurgling sound hit the air.

Grog wasn't unconscious. Rather he lay convulsing in the dirt, his meaty hands clutching and clawing at his throat. His eyes stretched wide, fixing on Vex with a mixture of fear and betrayal. He looked terrified.

Dropping her gun Vex darted to his side, her knees skidding in the dirt. “Grog, Grog!” She yelled, her heart pounding in her chest. “Oh fuck, oh fuck!”

Grog’s mouth moved as though he was trying to say something, but all he managed was another, bubbling gurgle of blood, a splatter of red becoming visible behind his teeth as he let out one last wordless wail before going still.

“Grog--” Vex was cut off by another shot ringing in the air, her hands clapping to her mouth to keep a hot splash of bile from escaping her. She didn't have to check his pulse, she just knew. Someway, somehow she just knew.

“You alright?”

She turned to see Percy enter the clearing, he held Scanlan in his arms. The dead boy’s head was limp and tilted back with his mouth open, his eyes were as wide as Grog's had been, though they held no life. He looked like a doll. He looked like a child.

Vex said nothing, she just ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of Act One


	10. My Dead Gay Son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goddamnit Travis. Here I am trying to write a semi-serious speech and you just *had* to name the damn character Stonejaw Strongjaw and ruin everything.

[[Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2k8DwNoAYQY)]

\---

 

_ September 30th, 1989 _

 

_ Dear Diary, _

 

_ My teen-angst-bullshit officially has a body count and I still can't believe it. _

 

\---

 

Vex’ahlia didn't bother going to school that day. She lay awake, fully clothed with her duvet pulled up around her chin, Trinket laying beside her. When Vax came knocking she feigned illness, something he believed without argument. 

 

She didn't bother getting up, eating or doing anything else that day. She just lay with Trinket and waited. 

 

“Scanlan and Grog killed themselves!” Vax cried, practically kicking her door down as he got back from school. “ Fuck, people are dropping like fucking flies.” 

 

Vex said nothing, watching her brother as he paced the length of her room, his fingers raking through his hair. And then, suddenly, he stopped, turning to face her, his eyes quizzical. 

 

“Are you alright?” he asked. 

 

Vex blinked at him, opened her mouth to reply and felt her face crumble. It was almost as though someone had turned on a tap in her head, as though every thought and feeling was rushing out of her mouth in an unending cascade. Her words too garbled to be properly understood. 

 

“Hey, hey.” Vax rushed to her side, wrapping an arm around her. “It’s alright, don’t cry, stubby,” he sniffed, “You’ll get me going too--oh fucking hell.” 

 

“They’re dead,” Vex sobbed, burying her head in her hands. She could feel herself shaking, her throat turning raw as she cried. “I killed them. It’s my fault they’re dead.” 

 

“What are you talking about?” Vax rubbed her arm, holding her close. “Vex’ahlia, you’ve barely talked to them in five years, none of this is your fault.” 

 

“It is,” Vex insisted. “It is. I can't explain it, but it’s my fault.”

 

She blinked and for a second Vex swore she could see something moving at the very the corner of her eye. A blurry tear-smudged figure standing in the corner of the room. A flash of red, a bubble of white-blonde hair, a too-red mouth smudged with blue. Vex let out a loud sob, snapping her eyes shut, ducking her head. 

 

There was no way she could be here, Vex told herself. No way in hell. 

 

Vax remained silent as Vex opened her eyes again, rubbing them on the back of her hands. Sure enough, the Zahra was gone. 

 

“Do you remember when mom died?” Vax asked suddenly. The question caught Vex off guard.

 

“Of course,” she sniffed, dabbing at her nose with the cuff of her cardigan. “How could I forget?” 

 

“We made a pillow fort.” Vax forced a small smile, meeting his sister’s eye. “And dad didn't do anything to stop us. We had PB&J and listened to those Nancy Drew cassettes. Wanna do that now?” 

 

Vex felt like she was going to start crying again, but managed to nod. 

 

Vax’s smile became less forced but far more watery. “Right!” He clapped his hands, jumping to his feet. “Nephew!” he pointed to Trinket who barked loudly in reply. “Mom’s upset.” 

 

Almost instinctively Trinket stood up from where he sat on the floor and leaped onto Vex’s tiny single bed, nearly pushing her off it in the process. His large muzzle pushed up against her face and he kissed her in the only way he knew how; messily and with far too much spit. 

 

As he did this Vax’ildan disappeared from the room, returning a moment later with a chair, his smelly old duvet, and a cassette player tucked under his arm. It took some maneuvering as Vex’s room barely had enough space to fit herself and Trinket, but eventually, Vax managed to prop up his duvet on both his and Vex’s desk chairs. Then it was time for him to rush off again, bringing back with him a box of cassette tapes, a loaf of bread, jars of peanut butter and jelly, a plastic knife and a roll of toilet paper (which he instantly pressed into Vex’s hands). 

 

“Thanks,” she sniffed, blowing her nose and wiping dog-drool from her cheek. “You don’t have to do this, you know.” 

 

“I’m your older brother,” Vax stated plainly, slipping under the shelter of the fort. 

 

“By, like, two minutes.” 

 

“Two long minutes.” 

 

Vex managed a laugh. A small, weak sound that threatened to tip over into another sob. “You can be sad, don't feel like you have to pretend to be alright for my sake. They were your friends too.” 

 

“Yeah, they were.” Vax paused for a moment, placing his hands neatly behind his head as he stared at the ceiling of the fort. “Remember that prank war me and Grog had ages ago?” 

 

“Vividly," Vex deadpanned, laying down beside him. She had to lie on her side if she wanted to fit, but she managed to make herself somewhat comfortable. “Like that time you stuck cotton to his face and he told the teacher on you. Gods, dad was pissed!”

 

Vax chuckled. “Yeah, well, it was Grog’s fault for not knowing what superglue was, wasn’t it?” He sighed heavily. “Bastard got me back real good too.”

 

“Drew a big ‘ol dick on your face at summer camp.” 

 

“In permanent marker too, what a fucking ass!” Vax shook his head, his ghost-of-a-smile stretching into a wide and watery grin. “Remember that time Scanlan organized a flash mob? That one when we were finishing middle school. Grog tripped me up in the middle of that, fell flat on my face.”

 

Vex quirked her brow cheekily. "And here I thought you just had two left feet, brother.”

 

“I’m better than you and you know it.” 

 

“That’s weird, I don’t remember ever stacking it when I dance.” 

 

“‘Cause Grog never tried to trip you!” Vax elbowed Vex, obviously aiming for her ribs but hitting her chest instead.”

 

“Ow, you prick!” 

 

“Say I’m the better dancer and I’ll take it back, Stubby.”

 

“Take what back? You _hit_ me!” Vex was laughing now, full-on laughing. Her chest, despite Vax’s attack, felt lighter, her blotchy cheeks aching where she smiled. 

 

Just for a moment, Vex allowed herself to think of something other than Percy de Rolo.

  
  


\---

 

It wasn’t until Scanlan and Grog’s funeral that Vex’ahlia dared to set foot outside her house. Part of her reason for this was the general air of absolute misery that had settled over Sherwood Ohio. In a town where everybody knew everybody the grief was shared with gusto and Vex wasn't quite ready to be at the centre of that just yet. 

 

Another, larger, part of her reasoning was the simple fact that she did not want to see, hear or talk to Percival de Rolo. 

 

He seemed to know this too as, as far as she knew, he hadn't asked Vax about her. He hadn't called or dropped round to ask her how she was doing either and Vex was more than thankful for that. 

 

Perhaps that was the reason she was so peeved to see him seated among mourners at the shared funeral. 

 

He stuck out like a sore thumb. Too pale, too skinny, with his bleached-blonde hair and gunslinger jacket. The same jacket he'd worn when he shot two boys to death.

 

At least he had the decency not to look her in the eye. 

 

“Want to sit with Percival?” Vax asked as they entered the church for the second time in two weeks. “We can probably squash in if you want.” 

 

“No.” The word came out more forcefully than Vex had intended. 

 

Vax winced, rocking back on his heels slightly as though his sister’s outburst had physically hit him. “You two have a fight or something?” 

 

Vex hesitated and for a second she was tempted to tell him the truth. “You could say that,” she said instead, slipping into a seat at the back of the church. 

 

As Vex watched the funeral unfold she found herself unable focus on anything else. She didn't even have the chance to run comparisons in her head as this funeral was remarkably similar to Zahra’s. 

 

Too similar for her taste. 

 

Her brain searched for something, anything to occupy itself. Eventually, she found her eyes fixing on the larger of the two caskets.

 

Grog looked less like a teenager and more like a giant. Pale and stocky and built like a brick wall. They’d stitched the wound in his neck shut, hiding it beneath a tight-collared shirt that in no way suited the hulk-of-a-teen. Vex couldn't help but wonder if any of her or Percy’s DNA was left under those layers of fabric.

 

Hair, fingerprints, bile. 

 

Had Percy covered their tracks? She wondered. Better yet, had anyone actually bothered to check? 

 

Percy had touched Scanlan, carried him like a goddamn baby. Had he scrubbed his fingerprints from the scene? How had he left the bodies? How had he made it look like they shot each other the way they did? How had he left the note? How had he made sure it didn't blow away in the wind or get lost? Who had been the ones to find them? Students? Some random sap out for a morning jog? 

 

Or had Percy called the police himself and feigned innocence? 

 

Gods, this was making her head hurt. 

 

Vex held back a laugh. So much for not having anything to think about. She allowed herself to focus on reality again, moving her gaze to the podium at the very front of the room. Instead of Pike, as she had expected, she instead found herself locking eyes with Stonejaw Strongjaw, Grog’s father. 

 

He looked almost nervous, no sheepish. He stood a few steps back from the podium, possibly to avoid standing on the box Pike had been using to boost herself high enough to look over the congregation. He, like his son, was extremely large. However, in this moment he seemed to be trying to make himself as small as possible; hunching over as though in pain, his shoulders raised almost to his ears. 

 

“When I first heard Grog had…” he had to force the word from his lips “...had...gone, I was shocked.” He drew in a long breath through his nose, almost hesitant. “Then I was angry. Real angry. My son wasn't who I thought he was and I felt betrayed.” His eyes fixed on a short man in the front row as he said this, Scanlan’s dad, Vex realised. “I know I wasn't the only one,” Stonejaw continued, rubbing his chin. “But then I did some thinking, read up on stuff. I could well easy come up here and tell you I'm ashamed of my son, of Scanlan and what they both did--”

 

Vex’s stomach clenched. _Oh, Gods._

 

“--but I ain’t,” Strongjaw said sternly. “Cause it was shit like that, words like that, that killed my son.” He turned to Grog's body, giving the pale face a sharp nod. “My son’s homosexual and that's...that’ll take some getting used to, but I don't care. ‘Cause he’s still my son n’ he’d always be no matter what. I just wish I figured that out before it had to come to this.”

 

\---

 

“Why’d you run off?” Vex called to her brother, joining him in the temple courtyard. He’d rushed off almost as soon as the funeral ended, an action which sent Vex’s stomach turning again. “What’s wrong?” She asked. 

 

“Nothing.” Vax turned his head towards the weathervane. Less than a week ago Grog and Scanlan had been chucking rocks at it, now all that was left of their endeavor was a slight dent in one of the sun-god’s wings. Vax shuffled his feet, shrugging heavily. “I was just thinking.” 

 

_Uh-oh_ , Vex frowned uneasily,  “About what?” 

 

Another shrug. “Stuff, I guess. What Grog's dad was talking about, that kind of thing."

 

“You're going to have to be a little more specific, brother.” 

 

Vax ummed, opened his mouth, closed it again, sighed. “I'm...I’m not gay, but...gods above his do I put this?” He laughed humorlessly, his head shaking slightly from side to side. “I'm not gay, but I'm not straight either. I like girls, but I also like guys.” 

 

Vex blinked at him. “And?” She asked. 

 

Vax furrowed his brow, looking her dead in the eye. “What do you mean ‘and’? I just told you something deeply personal!” 

 

Vex giggled, clapping a hand on his back. “You told me something I've know since seventh grade! You're not the only one who reads other people’s diaries, ya’ know.”

 

Vax’s expression was difficult to read; an odd mixture of relief and embarrassment. “It wasn't a Diary," he stated plainly, "it was a journal.” 

 

“Sure it was.” Vex grinned from ear to ear. She took a second to look around and make sure they were both alone before adding “To be completely honest, brother, you're not the only one.” 

 

A small smile tugged at Vax's lips. "You're bi too?” 

 

“Yep.” For a brief moment, the two stayed silent. “You had a crush on Shaun Gilmore didn't you?” Vex asked.

 

Vax winced. “Can we not talk about my love life? This is meant to be...serious or something isn't it?” 

 

Vex shook her head, a look of complete seriousness spread across her face. “You're the one that brought it up in the first place! Besides you were more than happy to talk about mine.” 

 

“The guy was in our kitchen! What was I supposed to do?” Vax paused. “Wait, are you talking about Jarrett or Percy?” 

 

“I swear to every single god in the sky, I will sic Trinket on you if you don't shut up.” 

 

“See! Not so nice to be on the receiving end of it huh? Vex stuck out her tongue childishly, prompting Vax to burst out laughing. “Now that that’s out of the way,” he said, “I'm going to head home. You coming?” 

 

Vex felt herself deflate. “Nah, I'm gonna go pay my respects.” 

 

“You just spent all afternoon paying your respects.” 

 

“You know what I mean.” 

 

Vax gave his sister a final hug before heading off, leaving her alone in the courtyard. For a moment Vex just stood there, looking up at the weathervane just as he brother had done. It wasn't until she heard the approaching sounds of footsteps that she finally turned around. 

 

She already knew who was behind her. 

 

“It’s nice to see something good coming out of all this” was all Percy managed to say before Vex punched him square in his jaw.

  
  
  
  



	11. Seventeen

[[Song](https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiB3b6l9YrUAhWHtpQKHUUhCLoQtwIILTAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D9h80Sr15n4M&usg=AFQjCNGCZEpFNDZqa9ZxCXUdGgVSdJG3hA&sig2=U7MvVeGUzYmCCxZQY4FLxg)]

_\---_

_September 30th, 1989_  
  
_Dear Diary,_  
  
_I’m confused. I think I understand this all a little better now, but I’m just as confused._  
_How can something make sense while also sounding like complete and utter bullshit?_  
  
\--  
  
“I deserve that,” Percy mumbled, rubbing his cheek. A bright red bruise began to bloom under his fingertips.  
  
“Yeah, you fucking do!” Vex grabbed the lapels of his jacket, tugging him forward. “What the _hell_ is wrong with you?!”  
  
Percy avoided her eyes, turning his head to one side. He let out a nervous chuckle, “a lot of things, to be honest,” he answered, not making any attempt to step back or free himself from her grasp. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”  
  
Vex shoved him hard, knocking him back and causing him to stumble. “I’m not the one you should be saying sorry to,” she pointed back to the temple. “Say sorry to Zahra, Scanlan, Grog and their fucking families. You hurt them, not me.”  
  
Percy looked down, sighing heavily through his nose. “I’ve...heh…” he scratched the back of his neck. “Part of me is tempted to.”  
  
“Bullshit,” Vex hissed bluntly. She crossed her arms, her eyes narrowing. “Bull. Shit. You were more than happy to kill them--more than happy to trick me into helping you kill them. If you think I believe you feel even remotely guilty you’ve got another thing coming.”  
  
Percy looked up, locking eyes with her. “You think I wanted to kill them?” he asked, his voice cracking slightly.  
  
Vex found herself laughing. A sharp, humorless sound that made her stomach cold. “You poured Zahra a cup of Draino, you hid in a thicket for an hour so you could shoot Grog, _you chased Scanlan down_ in order to put a bullet through his chest. ” Vex ran her fingers nervously through her fringe, another frantic chuckle bubbling in her chest. “Yes, _Percival_. I do think you wanted to kill them.”  
  
Percy hesitated, rubbing his hand anxiously across his mouth. He sighed, shook his head. “I...fuck...I never wanted Zahra to die.”  
  
“You went to warn me when I picked up the cup,” Vex’ahlia recalled, jabbing an accusing finger in his direction. “You wanted to tell me something, but you just so happened to forget it.”  
  
“No. I didn’t. Gods above, Vex I…” Percy groaned loudly, covering his face with his hands. “How to I explain this without making myself sound crazy?”  
  
“Too late for that, Darling.”  
  
“Right.” Percy let his hands move away from his face. “Have I told you what happened to my mom and sister?”  
  
Vex felt a sharp pang of worry erupt in her chest. “Don’t you dare try and get sympathy from me, you don’t deserve it.”  
  
“It’s context, hear me out. Please.” Percy waited for Vex to nod before continuing. “It didn't use to be just my father and me. Originally me, my dad, my mom and my sister, Cass, we traveled together. My parents didn't get along that well but stuck together all the same. I think they thought a divorce would...I dunno, hurt me and Cass,” he gave a half-hearted shrug. “Things were bearable, it wasn't all happy families but it was bearable, and then we went to Texas.” He paused hesitantly, forcing his next words from his mouth. “I was six, Cas was two...I think? Maybe younger. Dad insisted we all go to this library he was blowing up to make room for a bypass, but mom...mom said she wanted to take me and Cass for a walk instead. My father let her take Cass but...gods I can remember what he said...He said he and I needed father-son bonding or something ridiculous like that.” Tears had started pooling in his eyes, threatening to tip over and spill down his cheeks. “Two minutes before the explosives were set to go off I saw something in the library. I saw a woman, my mother waving at me through the window. She was holding Cass in her arms and she was waving. I tried to tell my father. I tried to tell anyone who would listen by no one took me seriously, not until they found…” Percy trailed off, remaining silent for a moment before clearing his throat. “And then...I dunno exactly what happened but I think something...snapped? I got this...it’s like a...no, not a voice. Suggestions. I get suggestions in my head and I can usually ignore them. For over ten years I managed to ignore them, but then...I don’t know why I guess I thought the draino thing was funny. I poured the drink--I never planned on giving it to her, but she died and that...It broke something and….” he cut himself off covering his face again. “None of this excuses what I’ve done. I know it doesn’t. I’m just sorry. I’m so so sorry.”  
  
Vex’ahlia’s mouth drew into a thin line. “It doesn’t and I still think you're crazy.” Despite her stone-like expression, her voice softened slightly. “Why didn't you tell your dad?”  
  
Percy laughed, rubbing his eyes. “I did! He didn't believe me. He never believes a word that comes out of my goddamn mouth. He said I was grieving, that it was normal. Even when my hair went white--”  
  
“Your hair is actually that colour?” Vex regretted the question the moment it left her mouth.  
  
“It’s been this colour since I was twelve. That was when Orthax was at his worst--before all this happened at least.  
  
Vex narrowed her eyes. “You named the voice in your head Orthax?”  
  
“It’s not a voice. It’s suggestions.”  
  
Vex shook her head. “Fine. You named the _suggestions_ in your head Orthax?”  
  
“I was very young,” Percy clarified. “People used to tell me things with names were less scary than things without, so I named it Orthax.”  
  
“As in the demon?” Vex asked, recalling old fairy stories her mother had told her as a child.  
  
Orthax, a being from the deepest pits of the Nine Hells. A parasite that latched onto the minds those who sought revenge and stole the souls of those they killed.  
  
“As in the demon, again I was very young.” Percy sank his hands deep into the pockets of his coat. “When I heard what Grog and Scanlan had done when the suggestion to kill them popped into my head it was...harder to ignore. It was like a dream, as though what I was doing wasn’t real, as though they weren't actually going to get hurt. I didn’t snap out of it until you... Well, you running away certainly knocked some sense into me.”  
  
“And what are the suggestions saying now?” Vex asked carefully, taking a step back.  
  
Percy shrugged. “Nothing much.”  
  
“ _What are they saying_?” Vex’s voice became harsh again, her jaw clenched.  
  
You don’t want to know.”  
  
“You’re right, I don’t want to, I have to. Out with it, now.”  
  
Percy swallowed hard. “He’s suggesting I go inside, climb to the very top of the steeple and jump off it. He’s suggesting I make my father pay for everything he’s ever done. He’s suggesting I do the same thing as my mother and sister just to spite him. He's suggesting a lot of things, and I’m ignoring them.”  
  
“You said it was harder to ignore him,” Vex pointed out.  
  
“I also said I snapped out of it, dear.”  
  
“ _For now_ ,” she stated dully.  
  
“For now,” Percy agreed. “Like I said, I don’t expect you to forgive me--  
  
“--I don’t,” Vex interrupted, the words sharp.  
  
“I’d be afraid if you didn't,” Percy continued. “I just wanted to tell someone and have them believe me for once.”  
  
“Fair.” Vex glanced down, her eyes fixing on the crack-riddled path beneath her feet. “If all this is true, you need help. Professional help.”  
  
“I know I do. Tell that to my father.”  
  
Vex hesitated. “He really thinks nothing is wrong with you?”  
  
“According to him I am an angsty teenager buying for attention.” Percy’s face scrunched up into a look of disgust, his brow furrowed. “Some days he tells me that people with voices in their head are little more than plot devices used in bad movies, or that I’m just trying to blame him for killing my mother; those days are fun.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“Don’t be,” Percy snapped, lowering his voice as he continued. “It’s not your fault and this,” he tapped his temple with his finger “isn’t an excuse for what I’ve done. I’m not the victim here, you are.”  
  
“At least you know it.” Vex raised her eyes. She fidgeted with her braid, furrowing her brow. What she was going to say next had to be done with the utmost caution. “I don’t forgive you. I will never forgive you for what you did.”  
  
“That’s fair--”  
  
Vex raised a finger to silence Percy. “However…” she swallowed a phantom lump in her throat. “When our mom died Vax...he fell into a dark place--not as dark as you got, nowhere fucking near it--we got through it because we had each other.”  
  
Percy blinked. “No, no. Don't,” he ordered quickly. “Don't do that.”  
  
“Do what?”  
  
“Think you can help me. You can't.”  
  
Vex couldn't help but roll her eyes. “If you give me the ‘I'm dangerous stay away from me’ speech I swear to god I'll hit you again.”  
  
Percy rubbed his face once more, a nervous habit. “Vex’ahlia, I _am_ dangerous.”  
  
“I know,” Vex agreed. “You're sick and I can't fix you, but I can at least try and help you.” Out the corner of her eye she saw a faint flash of red again, a shiver running how her spine. “Besides, if what you're saying is true I have a part in this.”  
  
“You don't.”  
  
“I gave Zahra the cup.”  
  
“I'm the one who filled it!” Percy burst out laughing, sounding almost manic. “Gods, this is insane. I'm insane.”  
  
“I think we both are, darling.” A smile twitched at the corner of Vex’s mouth. “The madman and the woman who, for some reason, wants to help him.”  
  
“Which makes you far worse than me and I've--” Percy glanced over his shoulder “-- _killed people_.”  
  
“We've both killed people.”  
  
“I made you.”  
  
“And Orthax made you.”  
  
“That’s no excuse!” The words left Percy’s mouth far more forcefully that he had intended. He shouted, tugging at his hair. “It’s still my brain. It's my mind. My ideas. What happened to not forgiving me?”  
  
“You’re sick,” Vex pointed out. “I don’t forgive you, but I understand that you have reasons.” She sniffed, crossing her arms. “Besides, I'm not stupid. If you so much as hint that you're losing control I won't hesitate to turn you over.”  
  
“I'd expect nothing less.”  
  
“Good.” Vex held out her hand. “Now give me your gun.”  
  
Percy blinked. “Excuse me?”  
  
“I know you're carrying it,” Vex wiggled her fingers expectantly. “Give it to me.” 

“Why?”  
  
“The last thing a person with semi-murderous tendencies needs is a way of carrying out said tendencies,” Vex deadpanned.  
  
For a moment Percy didn't move, but eventually, he pulled back his jacket and removed his gun from his waistband. “It’s just got blanks in it,” he said as he handed it to her.  
  
“What's the point in carrying a gun you can't use?” Vex asked, flicking open the barrel to see that, indeed, it was loaded with nothing more than blanks.  
  
Percy eyed her hands as she removed the bullets one by one. “It's more of a comfort thing, I like having it close. The blanks are to stop me from...doing anything foolish.”  
  
“I see.” Vex held out the small pile of blanks. “You can keep these,” she said, slipping the Pepperbox into her handbag. “I'm keeping this.”  
  
Percy looked like a child who had just been robbed of candy. “Don't lose it, don't break it. Please, it's precious to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAND time skip time! 
> 
> The next chapter will take place a few months in the future and I will (hopefully) be releasing a collection of one shots about what Vex and Percy get up to during the time skip in the next week or so. It will be called "Let's be normal" and involve them doing everything JD and Veronica say they want to do in Seventeen. 
> 
> SO. Look forward to that! Maybe.


End file.
